Mercy of the Living
by BeneaththeWords
Summary: When a near tragic incident occurs in Spring, just before Joel and Ellie reach the Fireflies, it sends them on a whole other journey where their relationship will be put to the test and the choices they make will have even greater outcomes.
1. For Everything a Reason

**AN: After playing the game many times since I've gotten it and falling even more in love with everything about The Last of Us, I have decided that I should take this spontaneous idea for a story I got last night to my advantage. This will be set in the beginning of Spring, where they are just about to reach the Fireflies, and will carry out to what happens when they reach them and the events that follow. This first chapter will leave you guessing and expecting the worse, but fear not, for it isn't exactly as it seems. If you have any suggestions, leave a review, and please let me know what you think of this story and writing, it is very appreciated. I hope you enjoy. :D**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Last of Us or any of its characters. Nor do I own the song to which this story is titled after: The Mercy of the Living by Bear McCreary. **

Chapter One

Joel tells me all the time about how life before this was worth its while. How people weren't always scrounging for food, losing sleep in fear the infected might break in, or their own kind for that matter. He told me if you had the heart and the will you could do just about anything in life. Maybe I could've been an astronaut.

Ever since Joel's injury, and the incident with David and his damned cannibals, I'd say we were doing pretty well. Joel healed up rather quickly after the medicine set in, and we once again moved on while I got myself together through the last few snowy months of Winter. We hadn't argued once since then, at least not like we used to. It was almost as if we had come to an unspoken agreement between each other; we stick together.

Spring was definitely among us; more greenery greeting the Earth again and squirrels and other various animals awakening from their prolonged slumber. It's nice to know not everything is dead, or infected, or corrupt. It's nice to know that life continues to go on. I have a feeling life will always go on. I wonder if the Fireflies think that way, too. It must be worth saving, right?

Could humanity be fixed even with a cure? Would we be able to distribute it to everyone, make everyone immune? Joel says that when it started, nearly 60 percent of the world was already infected. How many is there left now?

Sometimes my thoughts get cluttered, and I question what really is wrong and what really is right. Joel must have a better clue than I do, growing up in a world where your morals were so easily identifiable, at least it seemed they were. It's often lead me to think if we just turned around now, forget the entire mission and decide the world's already gone to shit, would it be wrong? Do I have a choice? I didn't ask to be immune, not that I resent it, but does this automatically volunteer me as the savior to mankind? I shook my head, kicking up some dirt as we continued down the desolate street. It can't be for nothing. It just can't.

"Man, today would be a perfect day for swimming. Weather's perfect," Joel's gruff voice interrupted my thoughts, causing me to let out a weary sigh.

Joel slowed down a bit, causing us to be in line with each other as we maneuvered around cars forgotten by people and claimed by nature. "You all right?"

"Everything's just wonderful, Joel, not a care in the world right now." My voice was so blatantly bitter at the moment, but I was too frustrated to care.

Joel stopped walking completely, his hand resting on my shoulder, but I refused to look his way. My eyes were fixed on the deteriorating skyscrapers hundreds of yards away.

"Now, Ellie-"

"Are we doing the right thing here, Joel?" The question had been eating at me for a while, and I knew it'd eventually slip out. Joel had been hinting at leaving the whole thing, just heading back to Tommy's for a while now.

"Right thing about what?" Idiot, I saw right through his clueless facade. I could tell he'd been contemplating it, too.

I gave another sigh, this time louder and with more desperation for a solid answer.

"Ellie," Joel hesitated, "I-I don't know." He continued when he saw the disheartened look I gave him. "What I do know, is that I'm going to stick by you with whatever choice you make, and I will not think any less of you by the one you choose."

I wanted to cry, because believe it or not, I was scared- terrified in fact. I felt guilt ride up on me for something I didn't even know if I was going to do or not yet. I was scared and too ashamed to admit it. "What if they aren't there, Joel? What if I'm just leading us on this giant goose chase for nothing?" My voice was failing to carry out the strength I desperately clung to at all times.

"Then we keep going to find that nothing, in hopes that it's something, Baby Girl."

I could feel tears gather at the corner of my eyes, and I didn't care if they fell anymore, for my fears were becoming too overwhelming at this point. I was afraid that we'd never find the fireflies, or if we do, then we'd have to go through years of treatment only to find out that I'm not even the cure after all. I'm afraid Joel will change his mind and that this whole agreement is just in my head. I'm afraid that he'll leave in the end.

"What if-" I didn't get a chance to finish my sentence, because the second I started a bullet buzzed past me, hitting the car to our right.

Before I knew what was happening, Joel had grabbed me and shoved me into a crouch beside him behind a rusty pickup truck. He had his shotgun out and loaded and I followed to grab my pistol from the back of my jeans.

"Fucking Hunters. We'll talk later, we have company." Joel muttered, aiming at a bald man whose head popped up to shoot, but Joel was way ahead of him as the bullet launched into his head.

By the looks of it, there were about three more, and I was able to stab one of the assholes as he tried to flank us.

"Joel, to your right!" I yelled, but he'd already been kicked in the side and fell to the ground with a thud. I was about to climb on the man's back, but Joel grabbed a bottle at the man's feet, effectively stunning the man as he smashed it into his head.

Joel was able to kick the Hunter down this time, lifting a pipe and beating it into his skull until Joel knew for sure he was beyond done for.

"Man, can't we ever catch a break?" My voice tried to hold some humor, but was still sour from our earlier conversation.

We stayed quiet for a moment, listening to the wind rustle some paper nearby, a bird calling to another, our harsh breaths evening out. No Hunters. Joel began to stand as did I, and I began to walk forward to gather the ammo from the dead man's gun.

"I think that's all of them," And just like that, my words deceived me. They jinxed me and sent me flying back onto the hard pavement. I couldn't breathe, because each breath I took sent a sharp pain to the already burning hole in the lower part of my right shoulder. I was gasping for air before I knew it. This felt like drowning, but worse, because I couldn't resurface, couldn't go back to the normalcy of surviving this time.

I had been shot, and I was going to die.

Another gunshot went off and I struggled to move my head to see who had been on the receiving end.

"Ellie!" Joel was at my side in an instant. "No, no, no, no, no." Over and over like a chant, and I felt horrible, because Maria told me about his daughter, and he was reliving it.

I cried out when he put pressure on the wound, his face hovering above mine, immense fear written all over it. I wanted to apologize, say sorry for my slip-up, my carelessness, and fuck I wanted to say sorry, because he'd lose me too. I couldn't, though, for he had too much faith in me. Too much.

It was cruel how unexpected it was, how sudden. I never did realize how fragile life really was until now, at least not my own. Death was a cruel thing, but so was life, and it sucked so bad. I was starting to sound all poetic, nostalgic, just the way Riley wanted to go. Funny how it happened, how many promises I made about sticking together. I told Riley we'd go together, and that way it wouldn't be so bad. I told Sam how we were a team now, but that didn't work out either. Now I was leaving Joel, and that was the hardest promise to break.

"Just look at me, look at me," He commanded, and I willingly complied, because if I would no longer ever see again I wanted to make sure it was something I loved to see.

"Of course it isn't the infected, huh?" The damned world turned us into the true monsters.

"You're fine, you're going to be just fine." He was reassuring himself more than he was reassuring me, that's for sure. "Just keep talking, keep a conversation with me." And I did.

"You know, even if this world has gone to shit, I'm glad that I was around to see it. In a way, it's still beautiful." Joel grimaced, he didn't want me talking like this, like I'd given up, but he let me go on.

I was thankful to have lived, even if it was in a world where it was so hard to tell right from wrong, or who you could trust, or if it's worth the risk of just ending up like the infected. Maybe it was easier, not knowing what life was like before. How could I miss something that I never had? I still ached to know what it was like, that their is at least some chance for it to be restored.

"Tell me how it's beautiful, Ellie, tell me how you know it's worth saving," Joel was applying more pressure on the hole, while pulling out scissors from his backpack and what sounded like a bottle clanking against them.

"I know the way the light hits the trees at just the right time of the afternoon. I know the way fireflies-real fireflies come out just before dark, floating around like fallen stars." I started coughing real bad, but pushed through it. "I know the way a destructed world is better than no world."

"Keep going," Joel urged, pouring the bottle's contents onto a rag.

"I know the way you secretly think my jokes are funny, but you're too proud to admit it." A small smile washed over my face, but vanished almost instantly and I began to choke up as I continued. Realization was setting in.

It all came spilling out, just word after word at this point. "Joel, I'm so thankful to have lived on this world and I know it's the worst it could possibly get, but that's okay."

"Oh, Ellie, don't talk like that, now don't." His voice was faltering, and it held doubt, but he was willing his faith to pull her through.

"I'm sorry I got you in this mess, Joel. I'm sorry about Tess, and Sam, and Henry, and Sarah. I'm not sorry that you lived instead, though, Joel, as fucking bad as that sounds. I'm glad you were the one to live."

"Ellie, don't-"

"You know, my biggest fear is ending up alone," My breathing was way past painful at this point, and I was seeing spots. "I know we said we'd stick together," I was nearly bawling at this point, and I knew this was my way of saying goodbye, because even if he didn't want one, I wasn't leaving without it.

"We will, we will, Ellie. I'm not going anywhere, and you sure as Hell aren't going anywhere, either, you listen to me."

It was getting hard to listen, and I yelped as I felt something wet and itchy sting my wound, but it was gone in an instant, and Joel was picking up the scissors.

"At least we won't have to make that choice now, huh?" It was a humorless joke, and neither of us laughed.

"Don't talk like that."

"Thank you, Joel, for not leaving me when you had so many chances to," He was crying, too, at this point.

The pain was beginning to be too much, and my vision was nearly completely obscured by dots and tears. I felt something prick at my wound, and it was beginning to feel numb.

"Stay with me, Baby Girl, stay with me. Come on now."

I could hear Joel's voice, but it was fading fast, until it was almost incomprehensible. Man, I'd miss surviving, miss living.

David told me everything happened for a reason, but I don't know what the reason for this is. But damn, if I had to go, I'm glad I wasn't alone, and I'm sure glad it was with Joel; I'd certainly miss the old man.


	2. Tables Turned

**AN: Whoa, and update already? I know, I'm surprised, too, but I'm having a lot of fun writing and planning this story, so I'll try my best to have frequent updates every few days or sooner. Thanks to those who've reviewed and followed the story, and indeed that last one was a huge cliffhanger. I apologize in advance for this chapter being a bit short, but I really needed this scene to be added to get things going. I'll try to make my future chapters longer. Anyways, I hope you enjoy, and please let me know what you think. Your reviews are very encouraging. :)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Last of Us or any of its characters, nor do I own the song which this story is named after; The Mercy of the Living by Bear McCreary.**

Chapter Two

The first thing I was aware of was that I was lying on something cold and hard, and the pain in my shoulder was still present, though not as bad as it had been. I had been nearly certain I was going to die, leave this Earth, leave this whole plan to save the world behind. I couldn't tell if I was alive or if I was dead now, and I couldn't get my eyes to open to find out. I wasn't one to really believe in an afterlife with your loved ones by your side, but I sure hoped that this isn't what death is like; cold, dark, alone. I hated being alone.

I could hear hushed voices from a distance, muffled by something, but couldn't make out what they were saying. I willed my eyes to open, but they were immediately squinted as the only thing in my line of vision was a bright light. Was I really dead?

Once my eyes came into focus, I realized the light was coming from a lamp and the hard surface I lay on was some sort of medical table. A mask was attached to my face pumping air, or drugs, or both into my nose.

"What the Hell?" I ripped off the mask and sat up much too quickly for I nearly fell off the table. Yes, it was drugs, I confirmed.

Worry and confusion were starting to be the only thing crossing my mind, but it was suddenly ignored for the moment, because I was alive. I woke up in a strange hospital with drugs flowing through my system and no memory of how I got here, but I was alive.

If it hadn't been for the unsettling situation I would have laughed, or cried, or probably both. I slid off of the table and noticed for the first time that I was barefoot and in this itchy, blue dress. Scalpels and syringes were on a stand next to me, and clipboards and papers littered the floor. Then it clicked. We had found the Fireflies.

I should have been overjoyed, relieved that the firefly etched onto a pile of boxes signified that we had made it. We had finally found the Fireflies and we could finally have a cure for this infection, but I wasn't. Something seemed off about this entire situation. No Joel, no Marlene, no memory of how I even got here, let alone how I was still alive.

I half stumbled half ran to the door, pressing my weight against it to hold myself up along with my ear to catch what the people on the other side were saying. Footsteps were approaching the door, and I was ready to back up in case they came in, but they stopped.

"What is it, you look like you've seen a ghost?" The man's voice was assertive.

"Six of our men," The other man was gasping for breath between his words, "Dead, slaughtered. I heard gunshots, but I don't know where they came from."

"Well, does Marlene know of this?" The assertive man's voice now held some panic, and I could hear him charging his gun.

"Marlene, she said to stand patrol, shoot that crazy man if he shows himself."

"Joel?" I whispered. Was he here? He couldn't be, why would Marlene want him dead, much less why would he be shooting the Fireflies in the first place? I had to get out of here.

I turned, pressing my back against the door while my eyes scanned the room for anything I could use in my favor to get out of here alive. Scalpels and needles would do nothing, and it sounded like there were at least three men outside, probably loaded with ammo. I looked to my left, delighted to see my backpack along with my clothes lying unceremoniously in a pile next to it.

I could hear the men outside still discussing the situation at hand. Oh, I would've never guessed that I'd be running from the one thing I had been searching for so long to find. Then again, I never would've thought I was the cure to humanity either, but now deciding it should all just go to waste? I'd worry about that later.

I pulled my bag across the counter it sat on, all while ungracefully trying to slip into my shoes as quickly as possible. I unzipped the larger pocket, nearly breaking it from its seams at how hard I tugged it open. My backpack looked completely intact, well, as intact as it had been when I had it. I dug through the comic books and bandages until I found my 9 mm. Only 4 bullets were in the magazine; I'd have to make every shot count.

I threw my clothes into my backpack and threw it across my left shoulder. I didn't really know what I was doing, but I couldn't let those men find me. Would Marlene let me go? Of course she wouldn't. I may be important to her, but in her eyes the cure will always come first. She'd always been that way.

"Check the perimeter, the surgeons are on their way." The man's voice nearly made me scream as it echoed against the walls, but I heard their footsteps retreating and let myself a sigh of relief. A door in the corner was my only other option besides risking being caught on the spot, and as I made my way to it, I prayed it wasn't a closet.

"Oh, thank God," I breathed. It was a stairway, very dark, but it led to another door, another way out.

Once I closed the door behind me, I was just about sprinting down those concrete stairs, and pushed the door open with such force that it sent me flying forward onto the floor.

I lay there for a moment, catching my breath and letting out a small moan of pain from the sudden movement in my shoulder. My moment was short lived when I heard bangs from above the staircase. I scrambled to my feet, running to anywhere but there, not once glancing back behind me at the men I knew wouldn't be very far behind.

"Where to go, where to go..." Stairs seemed to be the only option at the moment.

Once I was inside the room that lead to the next floor, I looked for anything to block the entrance. A cart filled with what I assumed were computers from what I've been told about and other odds and ends was the best I could find in my short span of time.

"Come on, come on," I was practically begging the cart to move until I finally had it against the door. It wouldn't last, but it would buy me some time.

When I came down another flight of stairs I realized someone else had the same idea, and I had to yet again push another bin filled to the brink with medical supplies to enter the next floor.

It was a shocking scene what lay before me; about a dozen men, Fireflies, slaughtered just as that man had said they had been. This looked like Joel's work, but I could be wrong. I didn't have time to find out, anyways.

"Find her! Don't let her leave the building!" More soldiers were entering from around the corner, and I threw myself behind a counter to avoid being seen. Their flashlights made shadows dance across the walls, the only light in the darkness of the floor. What a coincidence.

From what I could tell by their footsteps and the lights that flickered across the room, narrowly missing the places I hid as I maneuvered my way to the end of the hallway, there were about four patrolling this floor. I had a destination point; elevators were just a few yards too far, and I almost went for it, but another one of those men came running in.

"We've spotted the man, escaping from the third floor." My heart dropped.

"And the girl?"

"We're not sure, but we think she's with him."

There was a moment of silence and had to hold my breath.

"Everyone to the third floor. Now. We're going to get this smuggler."

Footsteps receded down the hall and I watched as the men piled into the elevator, disappearing behind the metal door.

Smuggler. They called the man a smuggler.

Before I could stop myself I yelled, shouted so loud the sound resonated across the room, the panic in my voice was so evident I sounded as desperate as I was. "Joel!"

I was about to bolt for the elevators when arms roughly grabbed me from behind. My gun was knocked from my hand, landing on the ground with a loud clunk. One arm was firmly wrapped around my waist, while the other put pressure on my shoulder, just above the bullet hole. I cried out, flailing my arms and legs in a futile effort to escape the man's grip.

In a last attempt to free myself, I bit the man's arm as hard as could, causing his grip to loosen just enough for me to throw us both off balance, toppling us over. I made to stand up and reach for my gun, but the man grabbed hold of my leg, in which I fell forward onto my knees. The gun was just out of reach.

"Make this easy. Your life could save this planet. You will never be forgotten for your sacrifice, yknow."

Sacrifice? What was he talking about? Was he implying that I was going to die? Certainly he wouldn't shoot me, would he? I decided not to find out.

I stopped struggling. "You're right." The man's arm started to pull away. "The world needs this-"

Before the man could even comprehend what happened I had the pistol in my hand and a bullet launched into his head.

"Asshole," I spat.

Blood spattered across the floor and myself, but the only thing I cared about was reaching those elevators.

I was able to catch my breath as I leaned against the elevator's wall. This was a lot scarier without Joel with me. My heart clenched at the thought of him. Was he here? Was he hurt? Was he alive? My mind still held so much doubt, and part of me just wanted to hand myself over to the soldiers right now and be done with everything. Part of me wanted to know what I was doing. The only answer I had right now, though, was that I was surviving.

From there I was able to escape the concrete garage the elevator put me in and with much difficulty, climb over a rusty fence. I landed in a heap in muddy grass and I could see the entirety of the Hospital that now stood as the Fireflies' Lab. They had tall fences, large trucks, soldiers guarding every corner. They were just like the Soldiers back in Boston. Just like them.

I took off running and the tiniest bit of relief filled me.

I was free, for now.


	3. Lost and Not Found

**AN: Hi, guys, hope your weekend's going well. I'm not really gonna say anything about this chapter, just gonna plunge yourselves into, hehe. (Okay, there will be another note at the end.)**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Last of Us or any of its characters, nor do I own the song this story was titled after; The Mercy of the Living by Bear McCreary. **

Chapter Three

"Goddammit," I muttered. the damn assholes were coming from all over. How many of them were there?

I was on the third floor; only three more to go. I was so close, so close, but my time was dwindling fast. Bodies littered the floor, my bullets either consumed by their flesh or sliced and knocked dead from the power of my nail bombs. I'd have to thank Bill for that one of these days.

Twenty years ago I would've been disgusted in myself at what I was doing, at what I've done. Now, I was barely phased by any of it.

Was anyone anymore?

Ellie didn't show it, but she hated it deep down. She became what she had to be during this whole mission, not what she wanted to. I remember the first time she blew a man's head off; felt sick to her stomach I bet, probably couldn't believe she'd actually killed a man, even if it was either him or me. It wasn't like killing the infected; this was our own twisted kind.

Then Winter came, and I was injured, dead to the world. Yet Ellie stepped up to the plate; hunted, healed me, even if she did nearly get herself killed in process. It wasn't until I found her in that burning restaurant with David, his face all mangled and unrecognizable, that she showed what she was really going through. She went through something no teenager should ever have to go through, even in this ruined world of ours.

Finally Spring came, relieving us from those brutal nights that were already hard enough to get through without the freezing temperatures. Ellie, Ellie just wasn't herself anymore. She became distant, burdened by her thoughts. Until finally the ice broke and she wasn't able to keep it to herself any longer. Hell, I probably made it worse bringing up Tommy, life after this whole mission, but I wanted her to know that she had a choice in this. We'd already done so much wrong in this world, what's to add another?

That was when she got shot. It was almost unsurprising, in its own tragic way. I was always so worried about her, always worried something would happen to either of us, and we had so many close calls already, it was only a matter of time. The Fireflies, they showed up just in time. I'd barely gotten her through the night when they found us, doing a perimeter check. We were a lot closer to the Hospital than we thought.

They took her from me immediately, and I haven't seen her since. Marlene said she'd live, and how thankful she was for all I've done. Explained how I could just go back to Boston; the job was done. She said it as if the kid was a burden. To be honest, the mission was in the beginning, but now this kid meant more to me than anyone will ever know.

She broke the news to me when I told her I wasn't going anywhere. She had the audacity to think what she was going through was even close to what I was. She was the one sacrificing the child to a world already too doomed beyond repair. Even without the infected, the destruction they set on the world was too much to restore.

More soldiers were approaching, coming from the floor above, and I had to duck into one of the abandoned patient rooms to steer clear from their view.

"Find the girl, she's can't be too far, she's somewhere on these last few floors," A soldier stated firmly, authority rang deep in his voice, "Kill the man if you see him, but leave the girl intact."

The man's orders carried out over the room, and I could hear every word they said in the silence. Their footsteps and heavy breathing were the only other things that filled up the room that was mostly void of sound. I always hated hospitals; the beeping machines, the strong scent of disinfectants, the constant feeling of dread every time you saw some of the looks on a guest's face. If only it could still be that way again. Ellie came first, though, before any normalcy.

Ellie. She'd escaped, hadn't she?

"Smart girl," I whispered to myself.

Unless she was still in the Hospital. I'd have to find her, then get us both out of here. If I was wrong, though, she could be long gone from here, and I'd be shot on the spot if I were caught.

"Move out!" Footsteps were followed, obediently carrying out the man's orders.

I crept along silently, trying to make a decision. From what the man had said, she was either on this floor, or one of the ones below. I would be able to make my way back down, and if she wasn't on those floors, she had to have escaped. There was no way to tell for certain, but she was a smart girl, and she'd proved many times before that she could handle herself. One thing was for certain, though; I had to find her.

"He's over here!"

I only had time to hear what he said before bullets were being fired at me.

"Shit." There were too many to take out alone. I'd have to make a run for it, and pray that I'd find Ellie on the way.

Run, I did. As fast as my legs could carry me, ducking and shooting as I went, shoving soldiers and tripping over men I had already taken out. I nearly rolled down the stairs leading to the second floor, yelling up a storm as I went.

"Ellie!" I must have called her name a dozen times, but still no answer, no swing of red hair, and no relieved eyes I hoped to find staring back at me.

No sign of Marlene, either. What if she had Ellie?

I had just exited the elevators I miraculously found my way to, when the Queen Firefly showed herself. She had a gun pointed to my chest, but my revolver was already in my hand pointed right back at her.

"You won't find her," Her voice was strong, but in a way, almost pleading.

I didn't say anything, just mulled over her words. There was a possibility they were true.

"We have her, Joel. We caught her on the second floor, trying to climb out a window," Marlene's voice was convincing, but I saw right through her lies.

"We don't have to do this the hard way, Joel." Marlene slowly put her arm down, the gun's barrel no longer in line with my body. "You can't win this time."

I gave her the dirtiest glare I could muster. "You're right," There was another moment of silence between us, and her face almost showed relief, "but neither can you."

My finger pulled the trigger.

* * *

I didn't stop running until the hospital was no longer visible, and I was gasping for breath, and the pain in my shoulder was becoming too unbearable. I didn't stop running until I knew I was far enough from them, and that if I didn't stop now, I would run into hunters, or the sound of my footsteps echoing off the streets I ran through would attract a pack of clickers and vicious runners.

I was leaning against a brick wall that was once a book store, but now all that was left were yellowing pages and broken glass. Not much different from everything else left in this world. Just like all those music stores we had come across; while there was no one to listen, there was no one to read.

"Oh, fuck," I breathed, my breathing finally returning to normal, though the throb in my shoulder was still there.

I was starting to recognize some of the dilapidated buildings, and several Firefly markings etched onto them reminded me I wasn't as far from the lab as I thought. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, either, considering I still hadn't found Joel.

Guilt was the first to hit. I had left him, didn't even look to find him, all I cared about was getting myself out. I was pretty selfish when it came to it, wasn't I?

Then it was fear. Fear that I'd never find him, see him ever again. Fear that if I did find him, it wouldn't be a pretty sight. If he was caught...

I didn't dare think about that right now.

I was pretty pathetic at the moment, I had to admit. Scared out of my wits, only had three bullets left, no sense of where I should be going. I never had been truly alone before and it sucked. Even back in Winter I still had Joel, even if he wasn't very talkative given the circumstances. I was really lost this time.

Distant groans and screeches drew me from my thoughts; probably runners. It was getting dark, anyways, and with the limited ammo I had, I wasn't going to stick around to find out. So, I began searching for a good spot to hideout for the night, but wasn't having much luck. Most buildings were either crawling with clickers or didn't seem secure enough.

Finally after about a half hour of walking, I was able to find a cafe that had only one runner, which I was easily able to sneak up on with my switchblade. I then proceeded to make my way up the stairs, leading me into a large room with broken chairs and toppled tables. Once I had moved a small table up against the door, I decided this was the best I was going to get. I'd just have to stay clear of the windows in case any hunters really were around.

I changed out of that awful hospital growl and back into my jeans and t-shirt, stopping to look at my wound. It was covered by a bandage, but underneath it didn't look infected, though it still wasn't a pretty sight and hurt like Hell. I decided it would have to heal on its own, not that I had much of a choice.

I began looking around the room for any supplies, broken glass cracking under my feet and the only light illuminating the room came from the setting sun streaming through the blinds and my flashlight.

I picked up one of the menus from a stack behind a counter, most were faded and bent, but were still readable for the most part.

"What the Hell is a Caramel Macchi-what?" There were some pretty weird things listed. "Bet the turkey sandwich was nice."

I threw the menu back onto counter. "Agh, man, now I'm hungry." My growling stomach would have to wait until morning at the soonest, though.

I grabbed my backpack and set the blue dress onto floor as a makeshift bed. I laid down with my pistol by my side, kicking some of the fallen ceiling out of my way. Nights were always the worst; I was always so distracted during the day, too busy to let my mind wander. At night, though, if I wasn't sleeping, all I could think about was my situation.

They were mostly lead to Winter, always thinking about the horrible consequences that would have been if I didn't escape. If I made one slip-up, one wrong move it could have lead to something far worse than it already had been. I never really discussed it with Joel, but he always knew when it was bothering me. I tried talking about it, but always changed my mind at the last second. Thinking about it was hard enough, but talking would be a lot worse.

Now, I had even more worries to plague my mind. Joel always told me not too worry about things that I couldn't control, but this was something I could. I needed to find him. I doubted he was still in the hospital if he didn't manage to get caught. I'd go searching, around the areas of the hospital, hoping that he'd be doing the same, and if he wasn't...then I didn't know what I would do.

* * *

**So, how was it? **

**I know this is another short chapter, but I feel these are needed to get the story going. Things will be picking up from here on out and I'll do my best to have longer chapters for you guys. As you can tell I've started writing in Joel's POV, and I'd really love some feedback on how well I'm portraying the characters of this story. **

**Also, thanks to my reviewers and followers, it's very encouraging and I'll do my best to get the next chapter out quickly. In the meantime, feel free to leave any suggestions. :)**


	4. Cruel World

**AN: Hey guys, new chapter. Just a forewarning that this chapter contains some dark scenes and depressing thoughts from Ellie. It's a bit longer than the last few as promised, so I hope it's suitable in length. Anyways, I hope you enjoy! **

Chapter Four

The warmth of the sunlight streaming through the blinds wasn't what woke me up, nor was it the distant sound of rats scurrying along the floor downstairs, and of course it wasn't that I no longer needed to sleep for I was fully rested. You were always tired in this world, always hungry, always anticipating.

It was fucking Hunters.

The roar of their truck was what first alerted my senses, my eyes opening within an instant. In this world, you weren't a heavy sleeper, and those who were, they suffered a mighty big risk.

I edged quietly to the window closest to me, my pistol gripped tightly in my hand. I pulled back the curtains to look down upon the street below.

"Can't I ever catch a break?" Apparently not.

It was another one of those trucks, filled with men searching for supplies and food, killing anything and everything in their path, mostly trying to claim this abandoned land as their own. I wasn't able to tell exactly how many there were, but more than I could handle on my own, at least with the limited ammo I currently had.

I had two options; I could either hide in this empty Coffee Shop and hope they wouldn't search this building, or I could sneak out of here and hopefully avoid them until I found a place to hide much farther from here. The latter seemed most appropriate for the risk of being found was much too high.

I swung my backpack over my shoulders and cocked my pistol; two bullets in the magazine, one in the chamber. I prayed I wouldn't need a reason to shoot it.

I could really use Joel at the moment. Even if we didn't get caught or he had little to no ammo like myself, at least I wouldn't be alone in this.

I cringed as I pulled the table away from the door, the legs screeching lightly against the wood floor. My hand was on the doorknob when I heard it; two male voices downstairs, their footsteps heavy against the rotting wood.

"You hear something?" One of the voices asked, another sighing in response.

"You've been saying that for the past two hours, man, all there is here is rats. Any infected would've heard us by now."

Silence followed, before more footsteps were drawing near. "I'm checking up here for anything, anyways."

"Great," I whispered to myself sarcastically. There was no way I could sneak out of here now. The only exit was the door that the Hunter was about to walk through.

My eyes darted frantically around the room, seeking out some place to hide, all while the man's feet hitting the ground signaled his fast approaching arrival. I ducked under one of the counters, crouching behind it when I heard the door being violently kicked open.

"Anything up there?" The man from downstairs called.

"Nah, man, must've been the rats. I'll see what I can find," Was the man's loud response, the reality of how close the man really was became unsettling.

I quickly opened the empty cabinet I was leaning against, and as silently as I could climbed into the dark space. I was almost in, completely unheard by anyone, but the sound of my shoe leaving the ground made the glass that was under it make the slightest noise, but was heard by the man no less.

"Huh?" The man was approaching within seconds, and I only just had time to shut the cabinet's door behind me before I could tell he was in front of it.

Silence, nothing but suspenseful, stomach knotting silence.

Silence was funny thing. Sometimes I welcomed it, when Joel and myself were the only people in the occasional solitude we came across. Other times I'd do anything to avoid it, the unknowing state it put you in was enough to put you completely on edge, never knowing what is around the corner. At least with a Hunter's footsteps or a Clicker's mangled screams you had some sort of warning.

This was one of those times I wished for complete solitude, because even if I hated being alone, it was so much better than this blind situation I was in.

I turned my head to the right, willing my eyes to adjust to the sudden alter of lighting. There were five cabinet doors, but everything inside was connected, nothing dividing the space, allowing me to scoot over just as light started seeping into the narrow compartment.

"I'm going to find you," The Hunter uttered menacingly.

I kept sliding further down, as he opened more and more of the doors, until it was down to the last one.

I didn't blink, I didn't breathe, I didn't move.

I just sat there, fear going into over drive, my arms holding my gun out in front of me, finger on the trigger. I'd have to be quick, fire the gun the minute he opened the door, then face his buddy downstairs. The rest was left uncertain.

His hand was on the handle, I _knew_ it was, and soon enough more light was starting to stream in, blending with the rest of the particles that were already spilling in from the other open doors. I was so ready to shoot. Anticipation was one of the worst things to experience.

My finger started to pull the trigger, his right shoulder coming into view.

"Hey man!" The man's voice floated upstairs, panic was evident.

The cabinet door fell shut with a small clunk, my heart beating so fast I could hear it pounding in my ears. I quietly let out the breath I was holding, relief washing over me for a moment.

"Clickers! A whole mess of them, get down here!"

The relief was gone, but so was the man as I could hear him retreating downstairs. Surely they could take a few clickers down, but still I worried. It was just another obstacle in my way.

I sat in the small space for a few minutes, listening, trying to figure out what was going on. I heard gunshots and the distinct sound of Clickers. I waited for who knows how long, but I eventually climbed out when I no longer heard clicking.

I walked in a crouch towards the doorway and crawled over to the staircase. More deafening silence left me guessing whether the men had left or not. I decided to find out and slowly peeked my head around the corner, but drew back almost immediately. Both men were just standing there, saying nothing, Clickers laying dead among them. They looked so shocked, like they'd never seen anything like what lay before them, but that couldn't be true.

I poked my head around again, staying in the shadows of the the wooden bars of the railing. The men were about four feet from each other, blank expressions on their faces. I didn't understand what they were doing, that is, until I glanced at the spot the blond man's eyes were fixed on. Just above this elbow, blood was dripping down his arm, landing in small spatters on his shoes and the ground around him.

When I looked back up at his face, the blank expression was gone, and replaced with fear, worry, and remorse. If he waited, he was going to turn. I felt a pang of pity for the man, knowing it was one of the worst feelings to think you're going to turn into one them, the same monsters that turned them into what they are to this day. Yet I was still waiting for my turn nearly a year later.

I was only half-surprised when the other man cocked his revolver, just as much remorse on his face. The newly infected man's shock was very audible, his eyes opening wide, one foot stepping back slightly, his Adam's Apple bobbing as he swallowed nervously.

"Hey, hey, man, it's no big deal, c'mon, man!"

The other man was significantly taller, more intimidating than the other. He just sighed, aiming the gun at the blond man's head.

"No, no, please, Jason, you don't have to do this." The other man looked ready to cry, obviously not too fond of welcoming death, even if it was an escape from this Hell.

"You just want me to let you turn into one of those things?" The other man, Jason, his tone was rhetorical, knowing exactly what the answer would be, but still wondering why the blond was fighting so hard when he knew his fate was already decided.

The bitten man's head darted from left to right, seemingly unsure of what to do, and I had to duck back around the wall to avoid being seen. The Lord knows if he saw me he'd take this as his advantage to avoid the subject for just a bit longer. I leaned my back against the wall, the air heavy and you could feel the tragedy of their situation radiating from them. I could still see the grief on their faces, and I could feel the burden of the choice Jason was about to make.

When he pulled the trigger and the sound pierced the Earth, I was not surprised. When I heard the body fall to the ground, I knew what had happened, and when I heard the footsteps leave the room, I knew he was gone, but the burden was not. A lone tear rolled down my cheek.

This world was cruel.

I wanted to just collapse, let the situation hit me hard, finally let everything go. I wanted to lie on that floor forever, searching out patterns on the ceiling through blurry eyes, and painful concentration as I fought to stay conscious. My silhouette on the wall staring down at me, disappointed at what I could be, but pitying for what I was. I wanted to fade until the guilt had nothing more of my mind to cling to, because all that would be left is the memory of a hope that didn't quite reach what they were destined to.

I wanted my turn to come.

I couldn't, though, because this isn't what my mother would want, and it wasn't what Sam would want, and it wasn't what Tess would want. It sure as Hell wasn't what Joel would want or need right now, and deep down, it isn't what I wanted, either, no matter how much it seemed like it.

I picked myself up, brushed off my jeans, and took in a deep breath. Death was cruel, but this world was crueler, and if I didn't get out of here the world's destruction would surely find me.

As I walked down the steps and out the back door I stopped to look at the man who had met his untimely fate. His mouth open and his eyes wide as if the fright still lingered in his empty body. Even though I felt the tiniest bit of pity for the man whose blood was still oozing out of his head and around him, I had to realize that this man who was pleading for his own life just minutes before would have probably done the exact same thing Jason had done to him to me, regardless of whether he knew I was infected or not.

These men were dangerous with the conscious that the only way you survived was to kill, steal, and torture until you got what you want. They learned the way the world turned and let it hold them in its grasp, squeezing the good from them and making them no better than the infected. They might be winning in their minds, but they were losing the battle against a world that succeeded in taking them under. Fate had a funny way of playing its twisted game; if the infected didn't get you, the harsh circumstances that the ones who were infected set upon this Earth did, ultimately winning.

I continued on, crouching behind dumpsters, and climbing through windows of falling apart remnants of stores that once might have been packed with people, but now were just lucky if a rat strolls through them.

I was almost free, about to climb a fence to enter the forest where I would hide out until they decided to move on, if they did, that is. It was a fast chain of events, my leg being harshly pulled from the holes in the fence, landing with a hard thud on my bum.

"Well, look what we have here." Three men were crowding around me, another approaching. Two had guns, the others had bats and pipes.

"You are sneaky one, have to give you credit for that." The man had dark hair and two jagged scars that went down the side of his face and receded into the back of his hair line.

"Fuck you," I spat, pulling my gun from the back of my jeans.

The man's mischievous eyes darkened as he saw what I was doing, and he slapped me across the face so hard the gun fell from my hand and skidded a few inches until stopping at another man's scuffed boots. I was completely vulnerable at this point.

"What do we do with her, boss?"

I gulped. Two more blows were sent to my face, my eyesight going blurry for a few moments.

"We have fun," I heard him finally reply, wishing I hadn't.

From their I was roughly lifted, two men gripping my arms tightly, all while I kick and scream for someone to hear me, runners even, if it means they'd let me go.

"No, let me go!"

"Where do we take her?" The man gripping my right arm asked.

"Throw her in there," He pointed to a small building to our left. "Block the exits."

The "Boss" followed behind us as I was being dragged, my kicking never stopped, but was becoming increasingly weaker. Then I felt something, push against my thigh in my pocket as I landed a rough kick into one of the men's knees; my switchblade. I nearly gasped. I'd have to do this quick, and get it right, because once I was in there, it would be hard getting out.

The last man to arrive on the scene opened the door, us being only a few feet away, when I extended my leg with as much force as I could into the back of the man's knee. The force sent him forward, his grip loosening enough for me to slip my arm away. I pulled out my switchblade just as the other man went to grab my other arm, but I pushed the blade into his stomach.

He stumbled, clutching his now bleeding cut with two hands. I didn't have any time to look at the others, because once I grabbed his gun from his holster, I took off, not daring to look back.

Fate should have learned not to fuck with me the day I was bitten and never turned, because it wasn't going to win this fight.

* * *

Two days. Two whole days since I have seen Ellie, but it feels like a year. The worst part was not knowing. Not knowing where she was, what she was doing, if she was all right. If she was _alive_. I was running on two hours of sleep and determination to find that kid alive, and let me tell you, it was showing no sign of ease anytime soon.

This was my fault, just like every other mess I'd gotten ourselves into, it was always my damn fault. We were doing the impossible, playing cards with death, risking it all for it to just crumble, fall apart in front of our eyes. The only thing I cared about left in this world was lost now, and in turn so was I.

Maybe I deserved it, maybe fate was finally catching up to me for all the wrong things I've done, all of my selfish decisions. Tess said it herself, we were shitty people, we didn't always do the right thing, fuck, most of the times we didn't. I did deserve it, but I never expected karma to come in the form of this.

Ellie, sweet Ellie, she didn't deserve any of this. None of the pain, the worry, the exhaustion. Yet she was a fighter, proved to be so many times. She kept on even when I couldn't, lightening the mood with her damn jokes. What'd I'd give to hear that corny crap again.

I'd find her, and I wouldn't stop until I did. Even if I had to trek back into that hospital and shoot down all of those Fireflies just to get her, I would.

I kept reminding myself that she could handle a couple of Clickers, a few Hunters easy, all just to calm my nerves. Every flash of red I saw or footsteps I heard would get my hopes up, only to turn out to be runners or a flash of faded paint.

With each passing hour my worries grew, my exhausted eyes playing tricks on me, the demons of my mind playing with my thoughts and twisting them into worst case scenarios. The more time went by without any sign of her at all, no backpack, no fallen pin, no nothing killed my hope that much more.

It would be getting dark soon, and the chances of me finding her while barely being able to see two feet in front of my was unlikely, so I camped out in one of the many side shops that had fallen trinkets and little nick-knacks that reminded me of Sarah. She always loved the most pointless of things, but I would buy them for her no less.

I shook my head, that was an old wound that didn't need to be pricked at right now. Not when a new one was starting to form, at least. I was ready to sleep, escape this harsh reality for just a moment when pounding against the street outside made me reach for my gun and aim it at the door on instinct. When the door was kicked open I nearly dropped my gun.

"Joel?" The familiar voice asked, and it was the sweetest thing my ears had heard in a long time.

* * *

**Any good? **

**This chapter had some pretty heavy stuff and featured some dark scenes, but I plan on the next chapter to be lighter and a tad bit happier, so stay tuned for that. **

**I'd love to know what you guys think, so reviews and suggestions would be wonderful. Still not sure how well I'm portraying Joel, so I'd love to hear your opinions. **

**In the meantime, I need sleep! :)**


	5. Fate

**AN: Hey everyone, new chapter. As promised this chapter is a bit lighter, so I hope you enjoy. :)**

Chapter Five

It was as if the world had stopped. It was as if Hunters didn't just try to torture me, or kill me, or worse. It no longer mattered that an hour ago I was about to give up, because now the one thing that kept me going was no longer lost. It no longer mattered in this moment that the world we lived in was shattered beyond repair, because I had found Joel.

We both stood frozen for a few moments and I was afraid he was just an illusion, but the minute his arms wrapped around me the thought vanished, and I was never more glad to be wrong. I didn't realize I was crying until he was murmuring comforting words, which only made me cry harder in what I didn't know was relief or fear of what almost happened, because all I knew was it felt so good to let everything spill for once.

Then I was laughing, tears still falling in a downpour down my face, but I couldn't conceal the broad smile that had formed. I was puzzled at how you could be in so much despair, yet so relieved and ecstatic at the same time. Joel had eventually pulled back, a smile wide on his face, too, but concern eventually crossed his features.

"How'd this happen?" He asked after awhile of examining my face.

My eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "How did-oh!" I had completely forgotten about my wounds, and I was sure dried blood was all over my nose and lips, while bruises were probably forming where my cheeks throbbed.

"Just, just a couple of Hunters." I had completely forgotten about the previous events and that we were probably still in danger.

"Actually, we should go, they're not going to be too far behind." I began frantically picking up our belongings; my backpack that had fallen to the ground and Joel's gun that had accompanied it when he hugged me.

"I doubt they'll go into the woods, so-"

"Now, wait a minute, Ellie." Joel cut me off mid-sentence.

"No," I looked behind me and out the window, "Joel, we really need to go."

"I thought you were dead." His words pierced through me like a knife in my heart and I knew the last thing he wanted to talk about were people trying to kill us, but we really needed to leave.

I slowly faced him, fiddling with my fingers and letting out a deep sigh. "Well," I paused for a moment," I'm not, Joel, I'm right here."

I knew I was being insensitive, but I was never good with dealing with emotions, I could barely handle my own. The minute I saw his face, though, I decided I would get better, because in all the hardships we'd faced, I'd never seen him look as defeated as he did now.

"What made you leave? How did you know?" He asked, but the truth was I really didn't know anything.

I shrugged. "I just, I got bad feeling and I couldn't find you, so I left." I felt so ashamed. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?"

"Because I left you, okay?" I started pacing. "I should have stayed, looked harder, but I was afraid of being caught. I was selfish and only thought of getting myself out." More tears began to form in my eyes.

Joel walked over to me and put both hands on my shoulders. "You have to know that I don't blame you for any of that. Hell, I'm glad you didn't stick around-"

"I killed a man back there, Joel. I killed a Firefly." Guilt had been eating me up about the whole incident since I left that hospital.

"Baby Girl, do you even know what they were going to do to you?" I was about to ask what when we heard male voices outside.

Joel quickly picked up his gun and grabbed my arm while I swung my backpack over my shoulder. "We don't have time for this, c'mon."

"How many are there?" Joel asked, checking how many bullets were in his revolver.

"Too many, Joel, there's another one of those trucks."

"Goddammit," Joel cursed under his breath, leading me towards the back door of the shop.

"We've gotta get out of this town."

"The woods!" I suggested.

"The woods? It's already getting dark, Ellie, we'll be lost in no time," Joel protested.

"We have nowhere else to go, Joel, so move it."

Once we were out of the shop, I lead Joel behind the stores for a few minutes before we came to a fence that would lead us to the forest. Joel tried arguing again, but the approaching voices seemed to change his mind. Once we were over, the dense trees stood only a few yards away from us, and the closer we got to them, the more the voices faded, settling the nerves in my stomach.

"The woods, it's going to be dark soon and you think our best bet is the woods?" Joel asked after awhile of walking under the canopy of trees, more amusement than irritation in his voice.

"Well, did you have anywhere better for us to go, Joel?" Ellie smiled triumphantly when he just grunted in response. "Besides, it'll be like...camping."

Joel raised an eyebrow, "Camping."

"Well, yeah, didn't you go camping before," I waved my hands around in emphasis, even though this part of the world seemed to be left completely untouched, "all of this?"

Joel chuckled, shaking his head a bit. "I did, occasionally, even though I wasn't too fond of sleeping on dirt. Sarah enjoyed the scenery, though. It's a bit different than this, Kiddo."

I frowned, kicking up some dirt as we continued on.

"What was it like?"

"Well, for one it was a lot easier knowing we had warm beds to go home to." I rolled my eyes, but Joel continued without remark.

"It was nice, we would roast marshmallows, Sarah would insist on telling these awful ghost stories, she'd end up scaring herself silly." Joel now had a sad smile on his face. "I think you would have liked them."

"I probably would have," I didn't know what else to say, because I couldn't understand and never wanted to understand what it was like to lose someone you cared about so much.

We eventually came to a clearing in the woods where the trees parted like forbidden lovers and all that was left to step forward was a small patch of Earth before a rocky climb down. The sun was setting, casting a golden hue on everything it touched and the purple and yellow flowers sprouting up from the ground were pushed by a gentle breeze.

It was times like these when I was glad to be alive, and I didn't hate the world we lived in, because even though there was a constant pain in my shoulder, and the risks were becoming greater, it made moments like this worth all of it. The serenity of it all made everything better and I think this world has taught us not to take for granted what we love and cherish, because it could so easily be taken from us.

"This isn't so bad, Joel, not at all." My voice was barely above a whisper, not wanting to break the calmness of the air.

"No, it really isn't." Joel agreed, and I knew he wasn't just talking about sleeping in the woods for the night.

Joel sighed and I drew my eyes away from the breathtaking sky.

"Well, this seems like this spot is as good as any."

I nodded, and I set my backpack down and Joel did the same. We laid our weapons at our sides and leaned against our packs as if they were pillows and continued to watch the sun sink behind the mountains. We talked about a number of things; what movies he watched, what bands he listened to, where he wanted to travel before everything went downhill.

"Wait, so you're telling me that people used to hunt ghosts?" I asked in disbelief, the topic of the paranormal was once again brought up as it was beginning to get dark and the moon and our flashlights were the only things allowing us to see.

"Oh, yeah, whole mess of them. A lot of them had their own television show."

"No way," He was definitely fucking with me now. "Did you watch them?"

"I'd catch an episode or two thanks to Sarah, she was into all that stuff," Joel replied.

I turned onto my side and sat up on my right elbow. "Do you believe in any of it?"

"To be honest, I used to think it was a bunch of bullshit," Joel snickered. "But now, I wouldn't be surprised if any of it was true given what we live with today."

I returned to my previous position of laying on my back, looking up at the cloudless sky. "Marlene told me if you looked hard enough, you could make out shapes in the sky with stars."

"Oh, yeah." Joel lay on his back, too. "They're called constellations."

My eyes scanned over the tiny specs of light, searching out these constellations.

"See there, that's the Little Dipper," Joel pointed to a group of stars, that actually did look like a dipper or a ladle, "And over there, is the Big Dipper." Joel's finger pointed to another cluster of stars.

"Wow," I breathed, "How do people notice these kinds of things?"

"Just have to keep an open mind."

"Right, an open mind." I restated. Marlene had said that a lot, mostly when she was talking about a cure, and I felt guilty once again. I knew running away from the Fireflies when I was a possible cure wouldn't fit her standards of "keeping an open mind."

Joel continued to share various pictures he found in the sky, some I could identify, others I had no idea how someone could think they looked like what they were. It was only when my eyes grew heavy did our conversation die down and I could barely make out Joel humming beside me. I smiled, knowing this was going to be as close to hearing him sing as I would get, but it was something.

"I'm glad I escaped that lab, Joel." My voice was nothing but a murmur, a soft accompaniment to his sweet tune.

My eyes slipped close, and I could feel myself start drifting.

"I am, too, Baby Girl, I am, too," Joel's voice was just as soft as mine, and I could tell he thought I was asleep.

He resumed his humming, but eventually the lyrics followed, quiet and gruff, but wonderful all the same. I willed myself to stay conscious for just a bit longer, but I was falling asleep fast.

He continued on, oblivious to the fact that I was awake, or maybe he didn't care if I heard, but eventually his voice died down until it was almost nothing.

I still heard.

* * *

"Hey, wake up, Kiddo." My eyes opened to the glare of the rising sun and Joel hovering over me, lightly shaking my arm. I threw an arm over my eyes to block out the light shining onto my eyes and attempted to roll over.

"Hey, c'mon now."

I reluctantly sat up with a yawn, hugging my arms as a morning mist had crept around us. "Man, I'm hungry."

I realize it'd been a day or two since I last ate anything more than a can of green beans. Joel was rummaging through his backpack and eventually pulled out a can of beans, which I gladly took from him, pulling back the tab to open it.

"Aha!" I heard Joel exclaim, his arm still buried into his sack. "Almost forgot about this."

I stopped eating the cold food and looked over at Joel. "What is it?"

Joel had a rare smile on his face, that was actually becoming more and more less rare as the days went by. He pulled out a rectangular object covered in a silver wrapping. Joel began pulling back the wrapping to reveal a dark brown substance.

"Is that? No way!" I scooted closer to Joel and sat up on my knees, nearly kicking over the beans in the process.

"Where did you get that?"

"I found it in a shop a few days ago, hidden at the top of a cupboard." Joel started to hand me the treasured item. "I meant to give it to you earlier, but I just never found the time."

"Ever have chocolate before, Ellie?"

"I had a piece once, but never anything like this." When Marlene wasn't busy, which was rare, she shared a lot of things from the past, including sweets.

I broke a piece off a bit into it, savoring the rich taste. Everything else I'd ever tasted was bland in comparison, living off mostly rabbit, fruits, and canned foods for most of my life. Joel grabbed the can of beans and started eating it with his fingers.

"Aren't you going to have any?" I asked, referring to the candy in my hand.

"Nah, I've had plenty of it back in my day." Joel waved his hand and continued eating from the can, offering me some now and then.

"Yeah, but I bet you haven't had any in years, Joel. It's not fair, you're the one who found it." I broke off a piece and held it out to him.

"Look, Ellie, I saved it for you so just eat it."

"Joel." I said sternly, the chocolate starting to melt from the warmth of my hand.

Joel sighed, but grabbed the piece of chocolate, anyways, and I took another bite of beans, quite accomplished with myself. We continued to share the small amount of food and began packing everything up to continue on our journey.

"What were they going to do at the lab, Joel?" I hesitantly asked after swinging my backpack on. I was afraid of what I would hear.

Joel let out a long sigh and stared at the ground for a few moments. "After you were shot, the Fireflies came, took you from me immediately. Marlene wouldn't let me see you, but she told me the vaccine might work, that they'd use reverse-engineering to possibly create a cure."

I ran hand through my hair, this was what I was afraid of hearing. After all this looking, after all the effort we made, it was for nothing. The Fireflies could make a cure, but I refused, and I didn't know why. "We need to go back."

"Are you crazy? We can't go back there, do you know what they were-"

"They could make a cure, Joel!" I was getting angrier with every word.

"This world couldn't use a cure!"

"We can't just run from this, Joel, not like we did. We need to go back! Then we can go wherever you want."

"They were going to kill you!" Joel's tone was harsh, but it had a hint pleading.

I stumbled back, not quite believing what I heard. "What?"

"In order to do the procedure, to make a cure, it involved killing you. The Cordeceps grow on the brain, and..." Joel trailed off, but I knew where he was going.

I thought hard for a moment, before quoting what Joel had said months before. "Kill the few to save the many."

"Ellie, it isn't like that anymore."

"Like Hell it's not, Joel. What's so different, huh?" Joel didn't say anything, but pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm waiting for my turn, Joel, and this is it." My octave fell a few levels, my voice faltering.

"Don't say that, Ellie, it's not."

"How do you know? We came this far, we can't just...now that I know we can make a vaccine.."

"We don't know! We won't and by the time we do you'd be...This world cannot be saved, Ellie."

I wanted to believe Joel's words, and part of me already did, but this wasn't about me, it was about the whole fucking world. I'm not supposed to survive, I wasn't supposed to back when I was bit, but yet here I am.

"Why am I still alive then? If I wasn't supposed to turn, and still not be the cure, then why am I still here? I'm still waiting for my turn, Joel!"

I regretted my words the minute they fell out of my mouth, because the look Joel gave me stopped me in my tracks. I still need answers, though.

"I don't know why you were the one to be immune and not turn that day, Ellie, but I do know that it's not so you can go sacrifice yourself for a world that can't be fixed." Joel's voice was shaky, and he looked ready to cry.

I threw my bag down, and kicked as hard as I could, trying to vent my disappointment in some way. "It isn't supposed to be this way, Joel."

"I wish it wasn't, Baby Girl, believe me." Joel's eyes softened, and now all I felt was more exhaustion from everything that had been going through my mind these past few days.

"Do you really believe this world isn't worth saving?" I asked. I needed confirmation that I wasn't completely in the wrong in this situation.

"No, Ellie, I don't think it is."

I stood there for a few moments, staring at the view in front of us for the last time. "Okay."

I believed him.

* * *

**AN: So, I know the ending is a bit feelsy, and still a bit rocky between them, but I promise it'll be cleared up. I've got ideas for this story, so expect more chapters out soon. I really like writing in Ellie's POV, but I'll probably throw some of Joel in there as well. I'll keep some light and cute father/daughter moments thrown in along the journey, so don't worry.**

**Please leave a review and let me know what you think. Big thanks to my reviewers, followers, and readers. I really appreciate it :D suggestions are also wonderful. **


	6. You are the Light

Hours had passed and not a word was yet spoken between us, and I didn't realize how much a person could miss something they hated so much until now, but an argument would be better than this silence. It was funny to think how not even two days ago I would gladly welcome this empty solitude.

It was desolate and there was no immediate danger, but the disappointment I knew Joel felt was louder than the yelling that occurred just that morning.

The silence always carried the larger statement.

It made me upset to think Joel was the disappointed one. Disappointment was all that I was feeling right now, that and guilt.

I wasn't just disappointed that cure wouldn't be able to fix this world.

I was disappointed, because if it did, I wouldn't be around to see it.

Joel told me this world wasn't worth saving, that it couldn't be fixed, and I wanted to believe him so much that part of me already did. Another part, though, knew he was just making excuses. I wasn't naive, I knew why he wouldn't let us go back, because he had come to care for me. I had come to care for him, too, but the world needed this.

We had made our way back into the city after we felt confident enough that no Hunters were around. Joel had lead us into a small restaurant in search of supplies. We'd come up empty almost everywhere else, but that was expected as it was easy to tell that many had crossed this city one way or another.

"What the Hell?" Joel wondered, walking over to the window. A deep humming sound filled our ears and was getting closer and closer.

I followed behind him and he pulled me down into a crouching position as a black truck came into view, another following behind it. On the side a symbol was painted in white, a_ firefly_.

One of the trucks stopped and seven men jumped out, all wearing armor and masks just like that of the Fireflies in the hospital. They each had assault rifles and Firefly patches on the arm of their jackets.

"Search the buildings, kill anyone who gets in your way." One of the men ordered, a walkie-taklie in one hand and his weapon in the other. The other men followed the orders obediently, one heading towards the building we were now hiding in.

I didn't have time to realize how impulsive I was being or I how much I would come to regret this decision, but before I could stop myself I was running to the door. I wouldn't let this guilt eat me alive, because my bones were already starting to bare in its nasty consumption.

I didn't even make it two feet before strong arms latched onto my waist, pulling me down and out of the view of the outside. I struggled in Joel's grip, kicking and thrashing, even though I knew the attempt was futile. At least I could say I tried.

The thing was, though, I knew I wasn't trying enough. I really didn't want to surrender myself to the Fireflies at all, but the compelling ache that would constantly hang over my head was swallowing me whole.

"Hey-" I cried out, but Joel's large hand clamped over my mouth, muffling my words.

"Hey, wait!" One of the men cried out, and I was sure it was the leader, because his voice had a distinctive edge of authority in it.

They heard us, I was sure.

Everyone froze, even I did, not taking the opportunity to yell more, even though I knew they would still hear me, hushed or not. I realized then that this wasn't what I wanted. I didn't want to leave this world if Joel truly believed it would be for nothing.

I didn't want to leave this world if it meant I had to leave Joel, too.

I stopped struggling and we listened for a few seconds. I was waiting for the door to bust down, for me to be taken from Joel's grasp, for him to be...I didn't even think to realize what consequences could have erupted for him.

None of it came, though, except for more words coming from the leader who I couldn't see from my position on the floor.

"Everyone back in, they've spotted a man who they think is the smuggler a few miles back."

It was too good to be true.

Yet the roar of the engine eventually faded and the only sound left was the relieved breath I finally let out.

"What the Hell was that?" Joel's grip loosened and I was able to crawl out of his grasp. His voice was cold and hard, and I hadn't heard him use that tone since our fight back at the ranch in Jackson.

"I'm sorry," I breathed out. I leaned my back against the wall behind me as Joel stood up.

"What were you thinking, were you trying to get us killed?" Confusion rang evident in his voice with fear laced around it, and his heavy footsteps were in rhythm with my racing heart as he paced.

"I'm sorry," I repeated. What else could I say? The weight of my decision was heavier than the time I thought I was going to turn.

"Why on Earth would you go yelling like that-"

"Joel, I-"

"Do you have any idea what would have happened-"

"I don't-"

"If they found us, if they found _you_? They-"

"I don't know!" My voice echoed across the room and my words stopped him in his tracks. I stood up as he turned to face me. "I don't know, okay?"

"I was hoping we could find another way, that maybe Marlene could help," I tried to reason with, get him to understand at least part of what was eating me whole.

"I told you, this world can't be fixed, Ellie!" Joel said in earnest now.

"I wanted to at least try, Joel? We came all this way! Lost so many people, all because of me." My voice was cracking more and more with each word.

"Ellie, none of that is on you." Joel's voice softened, but only barely. I could still read hurt and panic all over his features.

"I need to see Marlene." I needed to at least explain, get more answers. Marlene wouldn't hurt me.

"Ellie, we're not going back there." His words seemed final, but I pushed on.

"I need to see her!"

"Ellie, you can't, she can't listen."

"You don't know her the way I do, Joel." Marlene was the closest thing to a mother I had.

"You don't understand-"

"I don't understand?" I asked incredulously. "You think I don't understand the situation we're in? You have no idea what it's doing to me!"

"I'm sorry it's turned out this way, Ellie. I'm so, so sorry." I could tell he was sincere, but it didn't help anything I was feeling relent.

"Take me to Marlene, and then we can go wherever you want, Joel. Marlene will understand." She has to.

Joel just shook his head. "She didn't."

"What do you mean, she didn't? You talked to her?"

"Ellie, Marlene," Joel let out a long sigh, "Marlene is dead."

My heart dropped. "W-what?"

Joel didn't say anything.

"Did you kill her?" I tried to catch his gaze, but he refused to look up from the dust covered floor.

Joel didn't answer, but it didn't matter, because I already knew.

"Oh, God." My voice was shaky and it sounded as though the breath had been knocked out of me. "Oh, God." I said again, this time louder, with more force.

I was feeling so many things at once; guilt, fear, remorse...betrayal. It was becoming too overwhelming and I felt as though I was going to be sick. The tears that clung to the rim of my eyes finally fell free and I wished the tiny drops of salt held my emotions, because I hoped when they finally died away, so would the heaviness of my heart.

"Why?" It was all I managed to say. Everything was so wrong and the one person who could always make it right now couldn't.

"Ellie, I..." Joel still hadn't looked up at me, he just pinched the bridge of his nose with two fingers.

"How could you?" I tried to fathom all the betrayal I felt into that one question.

"Marlene was the one who gave the word to proceed with the surgery. She wasn't even going to let me say goodbye." Joel finally looked over at me. "She wouldn't have given you a choice."

"You don't know that."

"She had a gun pointed to my chest, Ellie, and the only way she wouldn't shoot it is if I gave you up." I knew Joel was telling the truth, because deep down I had always known that she would do anything for a cure. Anything.

Joel wasn't the bad guy in my eyes.

He wasn't the monster.

He wasn't the betrayer.

He was the protector that had opened my eyes when the light of the Fireflies blinded me.

"I didn't want go back because I believed in a cure, Joel. I just, I couldn't live with this guilt." Yet another guilt would cut deeper if I left Joel. I realized that now.

"The world isn't yours to fix, Baby Girl, believe me. You were immune, because you weren't meant to die." A small smile formed on my face when I heard his words. The weight of the world seemed to be just a bit lighter on my shoulders.

"What am I to you?" I had to know, because our relationship depended solely on his answer given how high the stakes were right now.

"You're all I have left." That's all I needed to hear, because he was all I had left, too.

We stayed in the restaurant that night with a candle lit between us. I lay on my side, facing the wall to the right, watching as the soft flicker of the candle set a warm glow around us. It was dark in the room, but the candle continued to burn strong. I used to think I was the darkness that kept pushing away the Fireflies when they wanted a cure, but now I realize that it was really them who were the darkness, trying to suck the light from the world for themselves.

I rolled over to face Joel, who was now laying on his back with his eyes closed. His breathing was deep and I knew he was asleep. I reached over and grabbed his hand, clasping it lightly. There was only so much good left in the world and if I was part of it, then I didn't want to be taken away.

I drifted off to sleep with a numb mind, aching heart, and exhausted body, but when I felt Joel gently squeeze my fingers, all of it faded along with my conscious.

Maybe fate wasn't all that bad.

* * *

_ When the darkness is shattered and the light finds its way through_

_When the shadows hide and take with it its sorrows_

_When all you have left is the flicker in yourself_

_but not any around you_

_because remorse clings like a cloak_

_but you hold on_

_like a leaf not lost but looking_

_as it is ripped from _

_the familiarity of comfort_

_and if you so choose to fuel it_

_and go with it your way_

_then you have found the light _

_because you are it _

* * *

**AN: Hey, lovely readers **

**First I'd like to thank those who have read, reviewed, and followed this story, because I very much appreciate it. **

**This chapter was actually very hard to right, because it was hard to get Ellie to realize that Joel isn't necessarily the bad guy, but I think since their relationship is so strong, it wasn't as hard for them to pull through. **

**This chapter almost seems like it could be the end, but I still have some ideas and would like to add short, cute parts to this as more plot slowly develops along the way.**

**So, let me guys know if you would like me to continue, because I still have some ideas up my sleeve. **

**Also, I hope the poem I wrote at the end wasn't too awful, but I really wanted to add it in there as I felt it kind of fit.**

**Finally, please review and let me know what you guys think. Suggestions are always welcomed. :) **


	7. Home

Chapter Seven

"We have got to get to Tommy's," Joel sighed as we trudged along. After our argument things seemed to be better between him and myself, yet things would still be a bit bumpy for a while.

We were two broken people in a broken world, but that was okay, because we both had each other to heal along with.

"We can't still be going back to Tommy's." It was ridiculous, considering the Fireflies would hunt us down.

"'Course we are, where else do you plan on us going?" Joel had once again led us through the forest as we were avoiding the remaining Fireflies, but he seemed to be on a mission, his pace quick.

"Joel, this is so stupid." I sped up to keep with his long stride. "They know Tommy and they know that would be the first place we would go!"

"Which is exactly why we're headed there," Joel replied, not slowly down his pace, Hell, it looked like he was walking even faster.

"What, Joel they'll tear that place apart." Joel suddenly stopped walking and I nearly walked right into him.

"Listen, Ellie, we've got a place there and we're going to end this. We can't just keep running from them until we're caught. We've got a much better chance at Tommy's."

Joel put his hands on his hips, a broad grin spread across his face. "Besides, we've got other plans for today." He seemed to be unusually cheery.

We had come to a wide stream with water that flowed just enough that the rocks below blurred as the current pulled it away. It was a fairly warm day, finally showing more signs that Summer would soon be upon us, but a slight breeze made the air comfortable.

"What the Hell are we doing here, Joel?"

"You are going to learn something new today, Ellie."

"Oh, fuck no."

"You need to know how to swim, Ellie."

"Joel, I've got plenty of time to learn, do we really have to do this now?"

Joel's grin faded, "Now what happens if something happens and I can't get to you. Like back in Pittsburgh, if Sam hadn't have spotted us we both...you need to learn, Ellie." His change in demeanor dampened the mood entirely.

"Okay, okay, Joel. I'll learn how to swim." Anything to get that glum look off his face.

"Besides, it was your idea." I knew Joel was feeling rather content with himself right about now.

The smug bastard.

I only puffed out my cheeks, knowing that there was no way of getting out of this.

"The water's not even that warm yet, Joel," I complained, but it wasn't as if he was listening. He had already stripped off his jacket and was now untying his beat up shoes.

Joel just rolled his eyes before plunging in with a large splash. He resurfaced a few seconds later, rubbing the water from his eyes. I had taken off my jacket, shoes, and socks and set them down next to our weapons and backpacks. Joel swam to the edge, beckoning for me to enter the water. I think we both knew that wasn't going to happen.

"Just jump in, I'll catch you." Joel told me.

I hesitated for a moment, "Are you sure you're going to catch me?"

"I gotcha, don't worry." Joel held out his arms, waiting for me to jump.

I sucked in a big gulp of breath and closed my eyes as I pushed off from the ground toward Joel into the clear water below. He caught me around the waist before my head could sink under. Joel was tall enough to stand up in the water with it coming to his chest, but if I stood there would be a good few inches of water still above me.

"Jeez, Joel, its freezing." I stuck to Joel like glue, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck, trying to stay out of the frigid water as much as I could.

"Oh, c'mon, now. You'll get used to it in a moment, but only if you let go of me." Joel said in annoyance, but I could hear amusement in his voice.

"No way, Joel, I swear if you let me go-" Joel was already detaching my arms from around his neck and lowering me into the water before I could finish my sentence.

"Just lay back and float, just stay still and you won't go anywhere." Being still was the last thing I was going to do and before I knew it I was under the water.

I wasn't under for more than a second before Joel grabbed my arms and pulled me up just enough so that my head was above the water.

"Whatever you do, you can't panic, Ellie." Joel informed. "Just keep your mouth closed when you go under, we don't need you inhaling any water."

Joel grabbed my arm and rested his other hand on my back, gently tipping me back until I could see sky and the water flowed in and out of my ears. I didn't even realize he had let go until I saw him swim a few feet away in my peripheral vision. I wanted to panic, to flail my arms, and reattach myself to Joel like a starfish, but he had told me not to panic.

"See, you're floating and you don't even need me." Oh, he had no idea how much I really did.

"This actually isn't so bad." And it wasn't; my shivering had stopped, my nervousness died away, and in that moment it didn't feel like we were on the run from people who wanted me dead.

It was just us.

Ellie and Joel.

A team, but so much more at the same time.

That's all I ever wanted it t be.

After some time, Joel had successfully taught me how to "doggy-paddle" and I felt fairly confident in my ability to swim without his assistance. Joel insisted on standing close by, though, in case anything were to happen.

After a few hours of the lessons, Joel and I just floated on top of the water, staring at the sky as the sun made its descent. Fireflies eventually came out of nowhere and flew above us. Such a shame that the name of such beautiful creatures were taken by people who didn't deserve to stand in comparison.

We eventually climbed out of the water, feeling more chilled now that we were out of it. Joel decided we would stay the night here before moving on, so we set up like we did just the other night and sprawled out under what was left of the sun to dry.

"Kind of like camping, huh?" Joel teased in a mocking way.

I grinned. "Kind of like camping."

We were healing, slowly, but surely healing.

I fell asleep shortly after to the sound of crickets and the chill of damp clothes, but everything was almost perfect.

Almost.

Hushed whispers and cracking of sticks woke me up from my peaceful sleep. "That the one?"

"That's the one, grab her and be careful not to wake the man."

For a moment I was too scared to move, but when I felt rough hands grabbed me my eyes opened wide. It was two of the Hunters that I had run into just a few days before I found Joel. They were the leader and one of his buddies, standing over us and talking in hushed tones.

"Joel!" I cried out, trying to draw him from his sleep, but it was of no use, because he didn't even budge.

I attempted to kick the man who was lifting me off the ground, but he barely flinched. "You're coming with me, Missy, we've got a bone to pick with you," His voice was menacing and sent a chill down my spine.

"Joel!" I yelled even louder this time, before I was full out screaming. The man's hand slapped against my mouth to quiet my cries, but it was too late for Joel had already sat straight up when he heard my pleas.

When the two men noticed Joel had awoken, the one who wasn't holding me scrambled to pull his gun out, but Joel was already on the move. He began punching the man into unconsciousness, while scar-face starting dragging me away until he was full out running.

"Let go of me, you asshole!" Joel looked up when he heard my words, and within an instant he was after us.

I tried to spread my arms to grab bushes or branches or anything that would slow the man down, but nothing was in my reach. Struggling was my only option, but so far the man was too big for me to do any damage.

I knew Joel just wanted to shoot the guy from the look of pure venom written all over his face, and I did, too, but it was too risky while I was still in his arms. I did all that I could think of to do left.

I bit his arm. Hard.

This caused him to cry out and push me away from him with Joel now only a few yards away. I was out of his grip and I landed on the ground with a thud, but I didn't feel pain, only relief.

That was until he stomped hard on my stomach as a last attempt of revenge, knocking the breath from my lungs as I jolted forward. The man's weight was thrown off me, though, and I knew Joel had come. I couldn't see what was going on, for I had my eyes closed and I was trying desperately to regain my breath, but I could hear everything.

"You," I heard a fist hit skin.

"Will," Moans of pain could be heard from my left.

"Never," Joel's voice was full of fury and hatred, and it almost scared me at how upset I knew he was.

"Hurt her again," Joel finished his sentence with a loud crack, and I knew the man was now dead.

I clutched my stomach as I sat up and Joel was at my side immediately. He rested a hand on my shoulder as my coughing died down and I finally looked over at him.

"Are you okay?" Joel's face was no longer hardened and angry, but now softened and full of concern.

I gave him a brave smile, even though I was shaking like a leaf. It was too similar, he reminded me too much of what happened in Winter. If I hadn't gotten Joel awake in time then I didn't even want to think of where he would have taken me.

"Yes, I'm fine." My voice didn't show my strength as much as I wanted to, though, because Joel just gave me a sad smile in return before gently pulling me into his arms.

He helped me back over to our campsite, resting our backs against a tree. He told me to get some sleep and that he would keep watch. He promised me he wouldn't let anyone else hurt me, and although I knew that was out of his control, I believed him, anyways.

I stayed awake along with him for awhile, determined to keep watch. We shared random conversations filled with questions about each other, like our favorite colors, or our favorite animals. I fought hard to keep my eyes open, but eventually they became too heavy, and the warmth of Joel's arm around me lulled me to sleep against his shoulder.

It didn't matter that we weren't at Tommy's yet, or that I had never had a permanent shelter, because now I did. It wasn't a place or a destination, it was a person. I fell asleep with a smile on my face, because I was one of the lucky ones to have found it.

I had found my happiness and with it came the safest place I could be.

Home.

* * *

_It is when you shouldn't have to prove_

_for what you are worth_

_or why you are you_

_it is when you are never cold_

_and never bitter_

_it is when your eyes may_

_be filled with the mistakes of your past_

_but they'll always be wiped away_

_by the security_

_that it brings_

_because it is a person_

_and not a place_

_who can put that_

_smile on your face_

* * *

**AN: Hey guys, another update already :) As you can tell, I've decided to continue this story, as I have more ideas I would like to write. This chapter probably has the most father/daughter cuteness, so I hope you enjoyed it. Please review and let me know what you think, as they encourage me to write even more. Also, I apologize for this chapter being slightly short, so I hope I didn't disappoint too much. **


	8. In Good Spirits

Chapter Eight

Ellie seemed to stick to me like glue in the days after the events that unfolded with those hunters, and I couldn't blame her. While she didn't seem nearly as affected by it as she was in Winter, they still opened old wounds that were never permanently healed. The situation was far too similar. Never in our wildest dreams did we ever believe that she'd be tracked down yet again, and although I ended it a lot faster than with David, it was easy to tell that the blood was still pouring.

Winter definitely struck something in her that I'd never seen, and never again wanted to. It wasn't in the way she spoke, but in the the way she didn't. Her silence was heartbreaking and proved to be much louder than words; no jokes to be scoffed at, no words of encouragement to keep us going, and no smartass remarks to roll my eyes at. Just the sound of a crippling spirit that came in the form of desolation.

She got out alive and most of her wounds healed. _Most of them_. She may have appeared unscathed to any stranger that passed by, but when you know a person the way I do Ellie, it is the most obvious of things to see that it wasn't just her face that got battered that night.

If what she was feeling was anywhere near what I felt when I lost Sarah, then bless that child for being as a strong as she was.

As strong as she still is.

It wasn't the strength in the way she stood up to future enemies or how she kept a brave face in the dead of night when her mind mixed with her fears equaled an awful outcome. It was how she didn't do any of those things. She cowered, and lost sleep, and cried when she thought I wasn't aware, and refused to eat, and most of all her spirit just nearly burned out and that is what scared me the most, but she kept on going.

Those nights were some of the worst.

It wasn't until the third night that she finally let it all crash down on her as I desperately tried to put everything back together.

We never went back to that town or empty house we stayed in once I had found her. It was still not safe, and being in such close proximity wouldn't be good for Ellie. We were, however, only able to walk a little less than a mile before we had to choose another empty house to hide in for the snow was really picking up.

_"Will it always feel this way?" She had asked. It was the first words she spoke since we arrived in this deserted cabin. _

_Her eyes were closed and she was laying on her back on the mattress we brought down into the basement. Her cuts were healing, but they still stood out against her pale skin. _

_"No," I shook my head even though she couldn't see me. "I don't reckon it will." _

_"For how long?" She opened her eyes. _

_I wanted so badly to tell her not long at all, that everything will be better after a good nights' rest and a decent meal, but I would be lying. Even if she believed me and my naive answers, then she would have her hopes up for nothing and when nothing came, she'd be wishing she was feeling exactly that. Nothing._

_"I don't know, kiddo, I really don't." She closed her eyes again, and I knew that wasn't what she wanted to hear. "I do know that it won't always feel that way and that it will get better eventually." Eventually wasn't the term you wanted to hear when you were waiting for something, this I knew, but I couldn't give her false hope, because that would just make it worse. _

_She just rolled over onto her side, her back now facing me, and I could tell she wasn't satisfied with my answers. I wasn't either. _

_"I asked myself the same thing after I lost Sarah." _

_She said nothing, but she craned her head around to see me. She sat up and looked at me through broken eyes and her hands sat in fists in her lap. "Does it still hurt?"_

_I gave her a sad smile, "It does, some days more than others, but not nearly as bad anymore." _

_The room was cold as ice and empty and I'm sure it only made things worse for Ellie, because it probably matched exactly what she was feeling at this moment. _

_"How did you do it?" She asked, almost cautiously._

_"Do what?" _

_"Get through it, survive it?" She sounded so desperate and it just about broke my heart._

_Survive, she needed to know how to survive it. She knew how to survive anything else; clickers, runners, hunters. She now needed to know how to be saved from herself._

_"At first, when Sarah, when she first passed, it felt like the entire world had fallen apart beneath me and it was, but in more ways than one."_

_Ellie looked up from her lap, now listening to me attentively._

_"I felt like the only thing worth living for on this Earth was gone and that I no longer had any purpose living on it. If Tommy weren't there, if he hadn't helped me with all he did, I probably wouldn't be here right now." My voice was now thick with emotion. "It was harder than anything I ever had to do, knowing that she wouldn't be there along with me, and I'm almost glad she wasn't, just so she didn't have to go through all of this." _

_"I'm so sorry, Joel. I can't imagine what it's like to lose someone like that, who you care for so much." Ellie's voice was soft and sad. _

_"It's all right, Ellie. I did ask myself the same thing you've asked me." _

_"Did you ever get an answer?"_

_"Yeah, yeah, I did." I told her the only thing I could. "Time doesn't stop, Baby Girl, believe me. When I lost Sarah I wondered how I would go on without her, and without even realizing it, I did. It hurt like Hell, and always will, but time never stopped for me to catch up, and that's okay." _

_"But how do you go on living with that feeling?" I could hear pleading in her voice. _

_"You find something to fight for. Big or small, you find something to keep working towards."_

_"So, it won't always hurt this bad?" Her voice was shaky._

_I shook my head. "It won't, I promise." _

_"'Cause it hurts really bad," From there she lost it and I took her into my arms. I wrapped her in a tight embrace as though to shield her from life's sorrows. _

_Part of it scared me, how distraught she was. I'd never seen her like this. At some points I thought she couldn't breath, because her mouth was open as if she were yelling, but nothing came out, until she was gasping for breath. Her sobs grew louder and echoed off of the walls of our cold fortress. I wanted to beg her to stop, because the apparent pain was hard to listen to, but I knew she needed this. _

_"He...he was going to chop me up...I.." Her words were just barely comprehensible through her sobs. "I woke up in a cell, and there were limbs...all cut up..."_

_"Shh, shhh, they can't hurt you anymore." I cooed, trying somehow to lessen the pain of it all. _

_"But what if I didn't kill him in time...what if I couldn't es-"_

_"Hey, hey, look at me." I held her face lightly in my hands and pulled her back so she could look at me. Her face was scarred, and her eyes were red, and it looked like she hadn't slept in a month, but she was alive and breathing. "You did, Baby Girl, you did, and that's all that matters."_

_"Thank you, Joel," I heard Ellie whisper through a scratchy throat. _

_"There's no need to thank me," I told her. We came all this way because of her, always because of her. _

_"For not leaving."_

_"I'll never leave." I meant it, I would never leave her even if my life depended on it. Never again. "You have to understand, I never will."_

_This just made her sob harder and I don't know if it was out of relief or the overwhelming emotions that were cluttering her mind, but I didn't mind. I just held her until she couldn't cry no more. The tears exhausted her and soon she was asleep against my shoulder. _

_"Goodnight, Baby Girl."_

_I carefully leaned back against the mattress, cautious not to wake her. I wrapped a blanket around us and let her sleep for as long as she needed. It was a blessing that her fears didn't plague her mind in her sleep tonight, but I would be there if they did. _

_From now on, I would always be there. _

Things got better from there and she progressively returned to her lively self, even if it took a long time, she eventually got there. So here we are, nearly a season later, and I'm worried that what had happened will present repercussions on behalf of the events of last night.

She was uncharacteristically quiet today and seemed very dazed every now and then, which only added to my worries. It wasn't like in Winter, but I feared she would slip back into the pit of fear and remorse that she spent most of the frozen season in. My apprehension faded when I heard her cry of excitement and a smile light up her face.

"Is that what I think it is?" She asked aloud, gesturing to the large building we were standing in front of.

"Yep, that's a bowling alley." Or what was left of one, at least.

"That's awesome! My best friend used to tell me all about these things."

I hadn't done much bowling in my days, but I took Sarah when she would meet her friends. Needless to say, she was a lot better at it than I was.

"Do you think we could check it out?" The happiness in her voice was too much to deny.

I shrugged, "Why not." If it made her happy, then who was I to stop her?

She was already running towards the entrance before I could finish my sentence. "Now, wait a minute, Ellie, there could be infected!"

I took off the minute I heard gunshots, sliding on broken glass and jumping over a table only to find Ellie standing there with a gun in her hand and a runner laying dead on the floor. Two more came running from around the corner and Ellie and I put a few bullets in each.

They didn't phase Ellie at all, she just stood there taking in the entirety of the empty entertainment center. Shattered glass lay among the edge of the walls, vines were growing along the ceiling and creeping down the walls, and broken pins and dusty balls lay scattered among the ruins.

"Did you go to one of these, before everything?" Ellie asked after a while of looking.

"I did a few times, back in my day and then some with Sarah."

"I bet it was great," Ellie said with a bit of resentment.

"Were you any good?"

"I wasn't too bad," That was an overstatement.

Ellie began walking around, gathering up a few pins that looked to be in good enough shape. She started grouping them until she had six pins. "Well, let's see then."

"Ellie, I haven't done this in years-"

"Which is exactly why you should do it now, while we can." She handed me a ball, and I was forced to put my fingers in the holes and stand a few feet from the pins.

I kicked some debris out of my way and took a step before rolling the ball towards the pins.

It missed every one.

Ellie's laughter filled my ears and I couldn't help but only feel relieved that she was still her playful self. "Looks like you're a bit rusty, old man."

"Old man?" I scoffed, but Ellie just proceeded to retrieve the ball and stand in my place.

She aimed and swung her arm back before releasing the ball. It rolled for a few fast seconds along the dirty wood floor until it reached the pins. It knocked all but one down.

"Looks like I'm a natural," Ellie said with pride in her voice.

"Yeah, yeah, kid, mine was just a fluke."

"No way, Joel!"

"Oh, yeah, you wanna bet?" I asked, before stalking over to her and throwing her over my shoulder. She squealed in surprise as I spun us around, not a care in the world for either of us at the moment. We spent the rest of the morning and into the afternoon competing in our own bowling tournament, which Ellie beat me relentlessly at.

I vowed from that day forward I would keep her spirit alive.

And keeping it alive I am.

* * *

**AN: Hey lovely readers, I hope your day is has been lovely.**

**First off, I'd like to give a huge thanks to those who have reviewed and followed this story. It is so motivating knowing that you guys are enjoying this. **

**I'm actually very happy with this chapter. I had originally planned for this to just be a longer scene at the bowling alley and for it to be just a cute, light scene, but noooo, I had to go and listen to music and get this idea to have flashbacks to Winter. I actually was going to make the Winter part a whole oneshot, but decided it would fit in with what happened at the end of my previous chapter. **

**Anyhow, I hope you guys enjoyed it none-the-less. Please review and let me know what you think. Suggestions for what you want to see in future chapters are also very appreciated. :D**


	9. This is What Happiness Feels Like

Chapter Nine

"How about this place?" Ellie suggested, pointing to a lone building that was not attached to anything else like the rest were.

"Well, I suppose, it's the best we've got for the night," I sighed out of exhaustion, but that was pretty much the only reason. As far as I was concerned, we'd been doing pretty good over the past few days. We were only two weeks into our journey, but so far we hadn't seen any sign of Fireflies since that rough day and it was business as usual once again. Besides, it was a lot easier knowing that I wasn't going back home alone, either.

Home.

It was a foreign term to us both, but meant the world to each. It probably wouldn't feel much like home if she wasn't coming with me.

"Door's locked," Ellie informed. "Think you could use a shiv?"

I went to grab a shiv from my backpack, but was stopped when I heard the sound of a weapon being charged and looked up to find the barrel of a rifle sticking out of the window on the floor above us. The man's face was hidden in the shadows, but I could see white hair showing in the sunlight.

Ellie was quick to grab her pistol, but I put her arm down and stepped in front of her, backing us up slowly.

"What's your business here? Comin' to steal?" The man's voice was gruff, as though he hadn't taken a sip of anything in ages.

I put my hands up, "We aren't looking for trouble, we didn't know the place was occupied. We're just looking for a place to stay for the night."

I could tell this man wasn't one of the hunters, since it seemed to be just him; those men moved in packs. Also the fact that he didn't kill us both, already, told me he wasn't going to without reason. Any of them hunters would've shot us dead by now if they were intending to at all.

"Just you and your girl?" The voice asked, a bit of skepticism hinted that he didn't quite trust us yet. Who would?

"Just me and my girl," I restated. The man didn't say anything for a long moment, but eventually put his gun down and put his pointer finger up. He disappeared from the window, but I could hear the creak of the building and I knew he was coming downstairs.

The door opened a crack and the aged face of a man peeked through. Ellie and I both had our hands up at this point to prove we didn't want any trouble, and that seemed to be good enough for him. He opened the door wider, looking from left to right anxiously before eventually laying his eyes on us. His rifle was at his side, but wasn't pointed at either of us.

"You need a place to stay, huh?" He asked. He was an elder man, no younger than in his sixties with white hair that was slicked back and the beginning of a beard growing along his jaw. His eyes were blue and didn't seem to hold any anger. Just fatigue.

"Just for the night, we're just passing through."

The man chewed the inside of his cheek before opening the door wider, "Well, I've got some room."

I looked down at Ellie who was peering up at me; she gave a slight nod. For some reason I felt like I could trust this man, and that was saying a lot these days.

"Well, get in then, before any biters do." The old man backed up so that we could enter.

I put my hand on Ellie's back, leading her passed the man and into the old building. It was mostly made of wood on the inside; Wood paneling, wood floors, wood stairs. Hell, even the furniture was wood, adding to the vintage appeal. Several tables and chairs sat around the room, some broken, some not, some only barrels to sit upon. A bar was placed against the wall to the right, broken glass and dusty shelves around it.

"You got a name?" He asked, putting his rifle atop a shelf.

I hesitated for a moment, before seeing no foul. If the Fireflies came asking, that is if they knew this place was occupied, I doubted he would have any interest letting the Fireflies know our whereabouts.

"Joel," I answered, "And this here is Ellie." Ellie gave a short wave.

"You can call me Earle." He grunted, walking over to cabinets above the bar.

"You live here all by yourself?" Ellie asked, picking up some Mason Jars that were sitting on the round tables.

"Just myself and my sorrows," He replied, grabbing a few glasses and a bottle of whiskey, an edge of sarcasm hung from his voice.

"Must get lonely," I heard Ellie mutter.

"Now you don't have any trouble with all these Hunters roaming around?" I asked.

"They haven't found me yet," He started pouring the strong liquid into the glasses, the scent carried over the room.

I raised an eyebrow, "So, you're all alone here, in a town crawling with those men and who knows what else, and you figure this is the safest place you could be?"

"I've got nowhere better to be, Joel," Earle took a swig of his drink, "I haven't left this place in over forty years."

"You lived here, well, before everything went downhill?" Ellie asked.

"You bet," He offered me a glass. "Owned this tavern back in my day, used to be my own pops, lived right upstairs," He said, pointing to a wooden staircase. "Still do, actually."

"You aren't afraid of being caught? Now to be rude, but they'd shoot you on the spot." Ellie asked.

Earle chuckled, "I keep my doors locked, the blinds shut, and I got some guns. If that's not enough, then it is what it is."

"You're not afraid of dying?" Ellie asked in disbelief.

Earle took another sip of his drink and sat down on one of the barrels. "No, my dear, I'm afraid not." He got a wistful smile upon his face, "All of my family is long gone, up with the Lord now, and I'd say my time to join them isn't far off, either."

"Do you believe in an after life?" Ellie wondered.

"I believe in a Heaven and a God, have ever since I was a little one, and he has a plan for this world, I just don't know what yet." He held out a glass to Ellie, "You ever try any of this?"

Ellie scrunched her nose and I wanted to laugh at how silly it looked. "Can't say I have."

He looked at me, almost as if he needed permission. "You don't mind if your daughter drinks in this world, now do ya?"

I shook my head, and Ellie took the glass. "She ain't my daughter, not by blood anyway." Blood didn't really matter at this point. She gave me another chance to be a father, and for that I was forever grateful.

"I look after her," I told Earle.

"We look after each other," Ellie corrected. Stubborn girl.

Ellie took a small sip of her drink, swallowing it was quite the difficulty. "Damn, that burns."

"Get's easier the third glass down." Earle said with a wise grin.

"Now don't go giving her ideas, she'll be done after just a few sips." She set the glass down.

"Looks like I'm done now," She said between coughs.

Earle lit a few candles and set them among the tables, creating a dim light around the room as the sky was falling black.

"So, where you two headed?"

"Wyoming, off to live with my brother." I said shortly.

"What are you doin' all the way out here?" Earle asked.

"That's a long story for another time."

Earle shook his head, "That's funny."

Earle and I both looked up suddenly when we heard a high pitch ding.

"Sorry," Ellie said quickly, taking her hand off of an old piano sitting against the wall below the staircase.

"No need to apologize, young-in," Earle slowly walked over to the piano, "Haven't touched this thing in years, afraid it's terribly out of tune, just like this world"

"You know how to play anything?" Ellie asked, a spark in her eyes.

"Used to play all the time," He sat down on the bench, "Now let's see," He trailed off.

"You mind?" I asked, pointing to an acoustic sitting against the corner of the wall.

Earle looked towards the direction I was pointing, "Be my guest."

Ellie's eyes lit up and she walked over to the guitar with me. It was quite old, but in well enough shape to play, and I began tuning it.

A familiar melody filled the room as Earle began to play the piano. I joined in after I figured out the tune and Ellie hopped on one of the tables, watching intently. I'd do anything to keep her face lit up the way it was at that moment.

_"It's nine o clock on a Saturday_

_the Regular crowd shuffles in," _

Earle began to sing, and his voice was hoarse and rough, but was far from bad.

_"There's an old man sitting next to me,"_

Earle points to me, and Ellie lets out a snort.

_"Making love to his tonic and gin." _

I kept strumming away as Earle continued singing the lyrics.

_"He says, Son can you play me a memory, I'm not really sure how it goes_

_But it's sad and it's sweet, and I know it's complete_

_When I wore a younger man's clothes,_

_La la la di dee da_

_La Da Di Dee Da Da_

_Dum" _

I joined in with the chorus, which got an excited noise out of Ellie.

_"Sing us a song, you're the piano man_

_Sing us a song tonight_

_Well, we're all in the mood for a melody_

_And you've got us feeling all right" _

Earle let out a laugh, smiles adorning all of our faces.

_"Now John at the bar is a friend of mine_

_He gets me my drinks for free_

_And he's quick with a joke or two,"_

I winked at Ellie.

_"Or to light up your smoke,_

_but there's someplace that he'd rather be_

_He say's "Earle, I believe this killing me,"_

_ As a smile ran away from his face_

_"Well I'm sure I could be a movie star _

_if I could get out of this place," _

Earle joined back in singing,

_"Oh La Da Da _

_Di dee Da_

_La La Di Di Da Da_

_Dum"_

Ellie's eyes were wide with happiness, and it was the best feeling in the world seeing her so excited.

_"Now Paul is a real estate novelist_

_who never had time for a wife _

_And he's talking with Davy_

_ who's still in the Navy_

_and probably will be for life_

_And the waitress is practicing politics_

_As the businessmen slowly get stoned_

_Yes they're sharing a drink they call loneliness_

_But it's better than drinking alone,"_

We belt out the chorus at the top of our lungs, and this time Ellie tries to sing along, and we know if any Hunters or infected were around, they certainly would have heard us, but that thought was distant. I couldn't tell if it was the whiskey, or the feel of strings that I was strumming, or maybe it was the fact that I'd finally found something worth living, but everything felt absolutely right. Singing here, with a complete stranger, in a destructed world, not a care at all.

It all seemed right, as crazy as it sounded.

_"Sing us a song you're the piano man_

_Sing us a song tonight_

_Well we're all in the mood for a melody_

_And you've got us feeling alright"_

Our voices faded, and we both sat silent for a few minutes before laughter erupted out of all of us and Ellie clapped loudly.

Then Ellie was hugging me tight, and Earle had a fond smile on his face that lit up his face, too. I could tell Ellie liked Earle and so did I, and it was a good feeling knowing good was still left to be found in this world. For once I let my guard down, and trusted someone quicker than I ever had, but their was no consequence this time.

Yes, this is what happiness felt like.

And I didn't realize how much I had missed it.

* * *

**AN: Hi everyone, so that was chapter nine and I hope it wasn't too disappointing. I found it was time to add an OC into this story, and I'm not the fondest of writing them, but I really like Earle and I'm still in the deciding stage of whether I want to keep him around or not.**

**Happy birthday to my friend, Ariel, who goes by the name Metaphorically on here. Go read her stories, because they are legitimately amazing. **

**Big, big thank you to those who have reviewed and followed/favorited this story. You all are literally wonderful, and to think that my writing makes your day! I can't believe it, honestly. Reading your lovely comments makes MY day, and definitely encourages me to write and get out new content for you, so thank you :D**

**Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter regardless of its length and let me know what you think. **

**Stay tuned for chapter ten!**


	10. A Little Less Suffocating

Chapter Ten

I didn't think I'd ever seen Joel this relaxed before. His initial trust was what first shocked me; he completely let his guard down to this stranger, who granted was rather old, but could surely handle his way around a gun. Even shared a few personal things about us, not only our names, but the general location of which we were headed. To top it all off, he even sang with this man while plucking away at a guitar and all as though they had been good friends for years.

It was insane, but I loved it.

We sat around the floor that night, and Earle pulled out some blankets and put a few of the candles around us. I don't think a smile ever left Joel's face that night, even when we weren't laughing or talking he still had a content grin on his face. I couldn't help but smile widely myself throughout the entire night, even when my cheeks began to hurt Earle would crack yet another joke which would only make them ache more.

"Okay, I've got another one," I said, pulling out my joke book and readjusting my position so that I was leaning on my side. "I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger, then it hit me."

Earle chuckled and shook his head, "Get a load of this one! You must have something better up your sleeve."

"Joel? That was funny, c'mon!" Joel rolled his eyes, but let out a small laugh, even though I knew it was due to my slight frustration and not the joke.

"Okay, here," I flipped through some pages before landing my finger on a random one. "Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can? Good thing it was a soft drink."

At this one both Joel and Earle laughed, but I just sat there thinking for a moment. "I don't get it."

"It was before your time, darlin, don't fret." Earle fiddled with his glass.

"Say, how old are you, Earle?" Joel asked.

"Old enough." He gave a deep laugh that sounded like he had something constantly in his throat. "Birthday's tomorrow in fact, if I've been countin my days right."

A birthday, something to celebrate. It wasn't often that things like that came up, at least not anymore according to Joel. I was about to insist that we celebrate in some fashion, but Joel started to speak before I could even begin.

"Listen, Earle, what do you say about joining us?" Joel offered. I looked to Earle who just sat there quietly. He didn't say anything for a long time, and neither did I, because Joel's sudden question left us both speechless.

Earle eventually just shook his head. "I couldn't leave this place, been my home for far too long to leave it behind now."

"Aren't you lonely?" I asked.

"'Course I am, but I reckon I won't have to be for much longer."

"Which you won't if you join us!" I pointed out.

"I appreciate the offer, I really do, but I plan on staying in this home until the day I die." The way he talked about death was the saddest I'd ever heard anyone ever speak of it. He didn't say at as if he wanted to give up, but as though it was inevitable that it would soon catch up with him sooner than we'd all like.

He wasn't giving up, far from it, actually. He was just accepting it.

We didn't say anything much for the remainder of the night, or early morning, or whatever time it may have been. I just laid on my back and stared up at the ceiling, admiring the way the spider webs glimmered from the flicker of the candles that surrounded us. It was almost cozy, and the warmth I felt that was not only physical eventually lulled me to a dreamless sleep.

My sleep was cut short, though, and morning dawned upon us faster than expected and along with it was a splitting headache. I knew Joel and I were going to have to leave Earle today if we wanted to make any sort of progress towards Tommy's. I just wanted to pout and sit right where I was until Earle agreed to come with us, but it wouldn't be fair on any of us, especially if coming with us would cause Earle more pain than if he had stayed.

"Good afternoon, Kiddo." Joel greeted as I sat up. I had a strange loss of appetite this morning while usually I was always hungry no matter what time of day it was, but I didn't mind it one bit this morning.

"Morning," I greeted back, Earle was already up, too, eating away at some peaches. "Wait, afternoon? How long did I sleep?"

Joel waved his hand as if he could physically brush off my words. "At least a good eight hours, you were out like a light. Decided you could sleep in for once."

"Oh, uh, thanks." It sure didn't feel like any more than eight hours. In fact, it felt as though I hadn't slept in a week. Some rejuvenating sleep that was.

"Besides, I needed to gather a few things if we're planning on making this great cross country journey." Earle told between bites.

I sat there for a moment as his words settled in. "When did you change your mind?" I asked suddenly. I stood up quickly and rushed over to the bar they were sitting at.

"This one over here convinced me shortly after you dozed off," Earle pointed to Joel. "And I suppose it's finally time to say goodbye to this place." Earle looked around the room fondly.

"We're about ready to leave, so grab what you need, Ellie. Have everything you need, Earle?"

Earle sighed and nodded. I folded up my blanket and stuffed it into my bag, I'd definitely be holding onto it. "Ready when you are."

Joel stood up and stretched, and Earle plopped onto his feet, a sack now in his hand as well. We all headed towards the door, and Earle stopped on the way to grab a crucifix that was hanging on the wall next to it. We were about to shut the door behind us when Earle stopped in the doorway, having one last look at the place. We decided to give him a moment to collect his thoughts.

"Hey, Joel?" I whispered.

"What's up?" He looked down at me, his eyes squinted in the brightness of the sun.

"I think we should do something special for, Earle, y'know, since it's his birthday and all. Just look at him, he's probably heartbroken that he's gotta leave his home behind. I know I would be." I looked up at him with pleading eyes.

"Ellie, sweetie, I don't know." I frowned at his words. "There isn't much you can do. We probably have to wait until we get back to Tommy's."

It was true, we probably would, but by then his birthday would be long gone. "I'll think of something, Joel, you watch me." I said determined to make this day special for Earle somehow.

"Well, looks like that's one adventure gone. Here's to another!" Earle was smiling, but I could see tears in his eyes. He was a tough one, but he wasn't heartless.

I smiled as brightly as I could back, even though my head was pounding quite steadily now. I was a bit worried about my shot wound, and I was tempted to check to make sure it wasn't infected, but I had just done so the other night and it was healing as it should be. I almost rolled up my sleeve to check my bite, but Earle was standing right next to me, and if I ever was going to tell him, I didn't want that to be how he found out.

Even though my bite was nearly a year old now and there was no sign of the infection turning me into a monster, I still worried about it all the time. I'd check it every now and again, and Joel would always get frightened that something changed, but it has yet to.

My train of thought was cut off when a pack of runners filled the air with their gruesome screeches. Their shrieks were a broken harmony that was not quite in sync and it sent chills down my spine as they alerted the infected around them to join.

"You know how to shoot, right?" Joel asked Earle. He already had his shotgun out and loaded.

"Did you not see my rifle greetin ya yesterday?" Even in a time like this Earle was quick to crack a joke.

Earle held up his .45 as a runner approached him, its mouth caked with dry blood and scars littered its face. More blood soon accompanied it when Earle pulled the trigger.

"Joel, to your right!" Another came up to Earle's left as he tried to help out Joel, and I was quick to shoot two bullets in its side before it could sink its teeth into any of us.

Two more followed the other infected as their bodies went limp and fell to the concrete. "Not bad, old-timer-" I grunted as rough hands that felt more like claws grabbed me from the back. It all happened so fast, one minute I was being dragged away, another something sharp ripped across my neck before Joel stabbed a shiv into the runners head where I was free almost immediately.

I felt so dazed and I just stood there. Joel was now standing closely in front of me, asking me questions, but I couldn't hear a word he was saying. I saw a flash of white and Earle came into view. My hand was sticky and covered in blood when I pulled it from my neck, and I was shaking like a leaf.

"I've been bit." I didn't understand why I was reacting this way, I'd been bit before and I was still here, yet tears still gathered in the corners of my eyes.

"Hey, now, it's nothing, just a bit of blood." Joel started saying, and it was true. It hurt a lot, and blood was still pouring from it, but I shouldn't turn. "You're fine, you're fine, okay?"

I lost it from there and Joel hugged me close as my sobs were the saddest thing Joel probably had ever heard. I didn't know exactly why I was crying, for the pain was bearable and I shouldn't turn. I assumed it worry and shock, and half part fear for the possibility that my first miracle was a fluke and that this time would be different.

Joel just rubbed my back as I tried to calm down from my hysterics and I felt a cloth being pushed against my wound. He pulled away when I stopped making noises and all that was left were watery eyes and a red nose. Fear greater than any I'd felt before was consuming me. The only fear that came close to this was when Joel nearly lost all of his blood getting from that university.

I looked to Earle, who had a blank expression. He was trying to form words and it occurred to me that he thought I was eventually going to turn. I struggled to quickly ease his mind, but it was hard when I could barely ease my own. Coherent words wouldn't form from my mouth so I just pulled up my sleeve to show him my other bite in hopes of an explanation.

"I've been bit before." Earle's eyebrows creased with confusion as I uttered the words through a cracking voice and tears were still dripping slowly down my face.

Joel's eyes never left me or my bite and I could tell he was worrying just as much. It all felt too overwhelming at this point and the pounding of my head was consuming all of my thoughts until I felt like I couldn't stand any longer. I tried grabbing Joel's arm to keep my balance, but I collapsed to the ground too fast. Joel was standing over me, his hands grabbing my shoulders and trying to get my attention to focus on him.

"Ellie? Ellie! Can you hear me?" His voice was very loud and I could hear him quite clearly, but just in time for me to whisper a word to him before drifting off.

"Immune."

My shivering was what had awoken me to darkness. It was just like the hospital; cold, dark, alone. Wait, maybe I wasn't alone. I heard voices and felt a hand touch mine.

"Joel?" I asked when my eyes peeled open. My vision was cloudy with sleep, but I could still make out his form. Earle sat a few feet behind him.

Joel's hand pressed against my forehead. "You've got a fever." I would've guessed that.

It made me want to cry all over again, because this was how it started, but I remembered that I was feeling awful before I was even bit. "Does Earle know?" I asked, hoping he wasn't worrying anymore than he had to. Too much worry was around us, filling us constantly.

Joel nodded and I looked to Earle. "You're very blessed."

"It doesn't look to be getting any worse," Joel said, his voice hopeful, but I knew deep down he was just as apprehensive. I was sick and I couldn't tell if it was from the bite or just my exhaustion and lack of food lately.

We'd have to wait it out.

"Happy birthday, Earle, I wanted to celebrate today. I'm sorry we couldn't." Joel hushed me and I sat up and leaned against his arm. I just needed one more miracle.

"Don't you worry, child, meeting you was a great gift in itself." Earle reassured me.

"Look in my backpack," I told him, Pointing to the deteriorating bag next to him. He grabbed it and unzipped the biggest zipper. He rummaged through a bit, before pulling out a bottle.

"Whiskey, huh?" He opened the bottle and took a whiff.

"Not just you and your sorrows anymore now." I smiled.

Earle just laughed loudly.

There were so many sorrows, but sharing them with each other made the tragedy just a little less suffocating.

But only by a little.

* * *

**AN: I was determined to get another chapter out before classes resume and I did it! To be honest, this chapter was going to be another cute one, but I got the idea of Ellie being bit and I was afraid my plot was starting to dwindle. **

**I'd personally like to thank Metaphorically and Sophia, you both are so encouraging and supportive and I feel so lucky to call you my friends. **

**Also, LittleSlytherin394, your reviews are so kind and encouraging. I'm so glad that you're enjoying reading this story as much as I love writing it, so thank you. :)**

**And edgaryg, thank you for your lovely review. I woke up to it the other morning and it made my day and brought a huge smile to my face, so thank you for all of your support. :D**

**Huge thanks to everyone else who reads and follows my story and has supported me, it means so much to me, you guys are incredible. **

**Let me know what your thoughts on this one are and stay tuned for chapter eleven. **


	11. Stars are for Wishing

Chapter Eleven

I felt like a time bomb.

A sad, apprehensive time bomb that I feared would go off at any minute and succumb me to the eventual inevitable doom that we all fought so hard to avoid.

Immunity gave me a second chance at living and saved me from turning into the monsters that ruined this world, and for that I was forever grateful to how fate played out. However, it also had an undertone consequence that was enough to break you if it got the upper hand.

I hope that you never have to understand the weight and tragedy of watching someone you care for turn when it was supposed to be you instead.

I wasn't alone when I was bitten, my best friend was there and she was bitten, too. She turned, and I didn't. It was one of the worst days of my life.

_"I don't know about this, Riley." I said skeptically, despite all the reassuring she had done to get me here in the first place. _

_"Don't tell me you're scared, Ellie, we've done this hundreds of times." It was true, we always got into some kind of mischief, but this time was different. This time it didn't feel right. _

_"Whatever," I sighed, and that was that._

_We climbed through a hole in the back end of the gate and kept crouched in the Summer heat until we found an entrance through a broken window. We listened for a few moments, but it was dead silent, and that signaled for us to move on._

_"They sure didn't do a good job of keeping this place secured," I whispered as I swung my leg over the ledge of the window._

_"Well, I don't think they thought anyone would be stupid enough to do what we're doing." Riley replied with a laugh._

_I just gave her a look._

_"Hey, it may be stupid, but it's fun," She reasoned, but that didn't calm my nerves any more. _

_"We're are you taking us?" I whispered loudly, trying to catch up with her speeding pace. _

_"You'll see, you'll see," She announced louder than I would have liked. "Watch out for that hole," She informed, pointing to a crack in the ground a few feet in front of me. _

_This place was much cooler than the previous places we had visited, and much bigger, too. Stores were lined side by side next to each other with broken displays falling out of the shattered windows. Most of them were empty, though, obviously raided for supplies whether it be clothes or something as simple as shoe laces. _

_The halls seemed to go on forever and the further we went the darker it got, and we had to turn on our flashlights. _

_"How much further?" I was getting antsy and a bit disappointed that we weren't able to check out the rest of the stores until we saw the one she was leading us to. _

_"Hold your horses, we're almost there. And don't worry, it's fucking awesome." _

_Soon enough we were standing in front of an old arcade. I should have guessed, as Riley hadn't shut up about them for the past week. It was destructed and not very appealing, but the closer we got the more I could tell it was indeed an entertainment center. _

_"I have to admit, this is pretty fucking awesome."_

_Riley grinned in triumph and lead me through the glass doors that were no longer glass doors as most of it lay on the floor around our feet. I imagined this place was pretty popular in its time, kids running frantically from game system to game system, laughter drowning out the complaints of their parents, and an overall carefree atmosphere. _

_Shame it wasn't that way now. Shame most of the world wasn't. _

_"Now this is the one I've been telling you all about," Riley started as I was lead to one of the arcade games that had The Turning written in white letters. "See there, that's Angel-Knives, only the most badass character you could ever be." She pointed to a women on the bottom front of the system, who sure enough, had knives attached to her hands like claws. _

_"Have you ever even played this?" I asked, wondering how she could be so invested in a game she hadn't even played. I realized then that it was pretty insensitive to think about it that way, you take what you get in this world. _

_"Of course not, but I've read all about it in this magazine I found back in the Quarantine Zone." _

_She continued to tell me in great detail about everything in the game, from what fighting poses you could do, to what the all time highest score was. I eventually strayed to a few other games that looked relatively interesting, especially one entitled Savage Starlight. _

_"Heard anything about this one?" I asked._

_She shook her head, "Doesn't look as cool as The Turning, but it could be worth a play through." She said it as if it were possible to get it working, and I really wish it were._

_"Do you hear that?" She asked, and we were both silent for a minute before the familiar screeches could be heard._

_"Runners," We both affirmed at the same time. _

_Riley quickly grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the store. We took off running from the direction of the infected and then hid behind a wall. _

_"Do you think they saw us?" I asked between gasping breaths. _

_Riley had her hands on her knees and her back leaning against the wall, doing the same. "No," She shook her head, "I don't think so." _

_Riley edged to the corner of the wall, about to peer around when three runners beat her to it. They knocked her down and one climbed on top of her, the other two letting out loud screeches and charging after me. I began running with both of them close on my heels and circled around back to Riley when I heard her scream of distraught. _

_I ran up to her struggling form and with as much force as I could, collided with the runner with the other two right behind me. We were toppled in a mess of limbs and clawing fingers and I felt pain tear across my skin, and I prayed to the God I didn't quite believe in that it wasn't what I thought it was. _

_Riley and I somehow managed our ways out of the pile, both covered in blood that we hoped wasn't our own and shaking limbs as we both pulled each other up and bolted from the spot. We knocked over anything and everything we could to slow the infected that were hot on our trail. Riley managed to get her pistol out of her bag in time to shoot one in the chest before we locked ourselves in a large storage room and blocked the entrance with as many boxes as we could. _

_My arm was dripping with blood and I knew why, but I didn't dare look at it. Riley looked ready to heave and I felt ready to just as well. "Oh, fuck," I breathed, repeating the words over and over as I paced back and forth and brought a hand to my bite. _

_"You, too, huh?" Riley asked, gesturing to my arm, I still refused to look at it, as though if I did it would confirm what I was still trying to deny myself to be true. _

_"What are we going to do?" I asked, my voice cracking. _

_"What can we do?" Riley answered with a question of her own. _

_I continued to pace and Riley put her head in her hands. I couldn't believe it, we were both going to die. It was bound to happen soon enough, though, right? We weren't good people and this wasn't a good world. _

_"We wait it out," Riley's voice pierced the tense silence._

_"What?"_

_"We turn together, right here."_

_"I do not want to turn into one of those things," My voice was almost pleading. _

_Riley held up her gun, "Only one bullet left."_

_"Fuck. I knew this place was a bad idea!" _

_"Don't you turn this around on me, you agreed to this!" Her voice held more fear than it did anger. _

_"I'm not turning this on anybody, but those fucking runners who we are about to become!" I knew the possibility was high, but never really considered the fact that I may become one of the things that plagued the Earth._

_"It'll be easier," She continued when I gave her a look of disbelief, "Going together."_

_"What about the others?"_

_"What others, they never gave two shits of what we did."_

_I finally looked down at my arm that was still pouring blood. The teeth marks were hard to see through the marred flesh, but I could see a ring of where they had actually come in contact to my skin. _

_"Okay." I finally said. It was almost as if I were coming to terms with my fate. _

_"It'll be all poetic, we'll be able to lose our minds together." Riley said, and I knew she was trying to somehow make this devastation better, because I could hear the thickness of her voice and knew she was trying hard not to cry. I was way past that point._

_We both lay down and took each other's hand. We were silent for some time and then talkative at other points. We told each other what we would do if the world wasn't the way it was and what kind of family we would like to have. We remembered previous rendezvous and laughed at embarrassing stories we had to tell. If it weren't for all the blood and the knowledge of our doomed fate, things would have seemed okay. _

_We didn't sleep, but both came close to it. We were afraid that if we did we wouldn't wake up, at least not as the same person. It was hours before either of us showed any signs of turning. I wasn't showing any, but I scared myself into thinking I was._

_"Riley?" I asked aloud._

_No answer._

_"Riley?" I looked over to her side and her eyes were closed. _

_I sat up on my knees and leaned over her, shaking her gently in hopes that she had just fallen asleep. I still got no response, but eventually her hand started twitching and boils had formed across her face and arms. I knew she was turning, and I wondered why I was showing no signs. _

_I grabbed the gun from her side and checked the magazine. Just as she said, there was only one bullet left. It was getting hard to see through my tears and I could just barely make out her form rising. I struggled to stand, but my strength seemed to have left me in all of my despair. _

_She was advancing towards me and I called out her name in hopes that my mind was playing cruel tricks on me. "Riley?"_

_A grumble was heard from her throat and I backed up as far as my hands and feet would push myself from my position on the floor. My back eventually hit the wall and I brought the gun up in front of me as she was still steadily making her way to me. _

_I was choking on my sobs and it never once crossed my mind that I'd have to shoot my best friend, because I thought I would have turned by now, too. _

_My cries were loud and depressing and I didn't care if they attracted anymore infected, because right now I didn't want to be alive. If the gun had more than one bullet I would have taken my life right there, because the guilt and pain was too much to bear alone. _

_"I'm sorry," I whispered, even though she couldn't understand me even if I had shouted it. _

_She was now standing directly in front of me and my hands were shaking, but I forced them steady so that I wouldn't miss, because I didn't want her living like this, because this wasn't living. _

_And so I took a deep breath and swallowed my tears and with a bang and sob the deed was done. _

I don't remember how I managed my way out of that mall or how I convinced Marlene not to shoot me, but everything happened so fast that I forgot to give myself time to grieve. It was embarrassing and unpleasant that this was the time that I decided to let myself have that luxury.

"Hey, now, what's wrong?" Joel asked and he was at my side in an instant. Earle looked over towards me, but kept his distance which I was grateful for.

I couldn't make comprehensible words and each time I opened my mouth no sound came out and it felt like I was suffocating. Joel's eyes were filled with concern and I felt bad for bringing even more worry to his already bothered mind, but the sobs wouldn't stop.

I didn't know why, but I could tell that this time I wasn't going to turn either, and that the first time wasn't just some lucky fluke. I tried to explain that these tears were of relief and that they were a good sign, because I needed this.

Joel looked to Earle for help while simultaneously putting an arm around my back. Earle just gave a soft smile and told Joel to let me be, which he let me be as much as he could when I was in distress, which was just him stopping with the questions.

After a while my tears subsided and I felt both exhausted and incredibly calm at the same time, and that was a good feeling. I leaned against Joel's arm and Earle began to hum as we sat around our small fire. Things were hard and tragic, but that was okay. I couldn't guarantee that we would always be together, but that was okay, too, because right now we were.

"Whatever happens," I looked from Earle to Joel, "We'll be okay."

Earle and Joel both smiled.

"Yeah, I reckon we will." Joel agreed, and Earle nodded.

They were wishful thoughts, but we were wishful thinkers, and those stars weren't up there for nothing.

* * *

**AN: Hey everyone, hope you're all well. Sorry this chapter is up a bit later than usual, but I did manage to write this chapter and another oneshot (which is very sad) in one weekend, so I'm pretty satisfied about that. Just to let you know that I may not be able to update as often as I have been, because classes have started up and they're my top priority. I will, however, try to get one chapter up a week, but I apologize if it's a tad bit later. **

**Thanks to all of my reviewers and readers, you guys are so encouraging and really do make my day with your kind words, so thank you!**

**I was contemplating on making this my last chapter, because I was afraid that this was getting a bit redundant, but I feel that since I've added Earle the plot has started to pick up pace again and I'm thinking that this story could turn out to be very long as long as the ideas are there.**

**Also, I have not read any of the comics and what I know about Riley's character is close to nothing, so I apologize if my portrayal wasn't accurate. **

**Please let me know what you think of this chapter and I'll try to get chapter twelve out soon! **


	12. Hell is on Your Heels

Chapter Twelve

It was two weeks. Two, long, nearly unbearable, but undeniably half-way enjoyable weeks across country that was filled with spinning emotions and apprehension like no other. Exhaustion was heavy on our backs and worry sat on our heads like a hat that didn't quite do its purpose. I had been especially emotional in those two weeks as the lack of sleep I had over such a long period of time was finally taking its toll, and the first signs of Spring fading was no more than a slight breeze. Yet Joel and Earle were as patient as ever, because they sat in the same boat I did, even if Joel was the grumpier one most days.

The bearable part came from Joel and Earle, because not only did they help ease the pain and fill the gap that would have sooner or later turned to loneliness, they experienced everything that I was, and it was nice to know that I wasn't alone.

It was funny how you never truly knew a person until you experienced all the things Joel and I have together, and throw in Earle, too, because even if we hadn't known him long he still fit. Near death experiences were around every corner and we all saw each other in our most grouchiest times, but it brought each of us into a family we never had. At least one that I'd never had.

I learned that Joel could snore so loud sometimes that it drove me nuts, but I would remind myself that it was a good sign, because it proved that he was still breathing. I learned that Earle had the tendency to tap his right foot every time we were sitting and how the way his eyes squinted when he laughed was different than the way they squinted when the sun was too bright. I learned that Joel could get in moods so bad that I would refuse to talk to him when we were particularly exhausted, but all it took was for me to crack a joke or Earle to tell one of his stories that took hours to tell to relieve the tension.

Most of all I learned how lucky I truly was, because I had some of the good that was still left struggling in this world.

We took shelter from the pouring rain in an old restaurant and sat in a back booth away from the holes in the ceiling where the water formed puddles beneath it. It was one of those days where we were especially quiet and we were too tired to keep a conversation going. Even more so when we weren't doing anything, that's when you found out just how fatigued you really were. Earle would start a story, but would lose his place every time he yawned and Joel and I would share a grin, because we both knew even through his young heart, his old-timer side had to peek out sometimes.

I laid my head on my arms that were crossed on the table and let my eyes fall close. The rain was comforting and the humid temperature in the room made me more drowsy than it did uncomfortable, and I was eventually drifting until I could hear the patter of the rain no more.

_It was a painful fright. The kind of terror that makes your chest clench and your breathing stop, because you're afraid one breath will reveal your hiding spot. It's the kind that makes you want to let out that one gargled sob, but you press your hand to your mouth and the other nearly pulls out you hair, because the anticipation is getting to be too much._

_And as his footsteps get close, too close, I crawl as fast as I can to the other side of the row of booths. _

_"Come out, Little Rabbit," He coos, and it's the most unsettling thing I'd ever heard. _

_I can see his tall form as I crouch backwards, waving his machete around like a sword as if he knows that I can see him. He's turning around and I feel if I run fast enough I can make it out the back door, but it's a risk I'm not sure I want to take. _

_"You can try beggin," And I scream, because he's now right in front of me, and he's got me thinking he's the rabbit now at how fast he is, but the glare of light against his weapon resembles claws and I know he's a lion after its pray. _

_I scramble to get away, but his hand grabs my hood and pulls me back so hard that I hit the ground with a painful thump, and I feel so utterly hopeless that I know I'm not making my way out of it this time. He's kneeling now, and one of his knees is leaning on my chest which makes my breathing become harder and my struggle even harder. _

_"Don't fucking touch me!" I yell, anger now evident in my voice, but it quickly turns to overwhelming fear._

_My head is pushed to the side with the force of his hand and the smack resonates off of the burning walls. "I'd watch what you say if I were you, Ellie." _

_He drags the machete across my face slowly, not quite cutting me, and a tear rolls across my cheek and down my temple into my hairline. _

_"You're a strong one," He whispers, and he pushes the blade further against my skin. _

_I felt sick._

_"But you're not strong enough," He lifts the blade and brings it back down quickly._

_It's in perfect line with my face. _

My eyes flew open and a gasp fell from my mouth, and for a second I forgot where I was. I felt tears already gathering in my eyes, but I swallowed the lump that's formed and steadied my breathing, because I didn't want to be the center of attention.

I should be used to the nightmares by then, but each one is different, yet ends in the same terrible fate that would have been if I had made just one slip up. One careless move and it would have been all over for me. Yet I accept it.

I accept that it'll always haunt me, because some things can't be unseen.

I don't attempt to sleep for any more, because the rain on the parts of the windows that aren't quite destroyed slow their race and the street is once again visible, and I know Joel is probably anxious to move on. It wasn't as if I would be able to, now, anyways. Not with the memory so freshly etched into my mind.

Then I hear a low hum, almost like a bee, and I lift my eyes to the window in wonder. It's soft, like the ringing you sometimes get in your ear, and you can't quite tell if it's really there. It progressively gets louder, though, and the water that's dripped on the table starts to shake as the ground begins to vibrate.

I lift my head to look at Joel to see if he notices it, too, but he's already stood up and is walking towards the window and I stand to join him, but he puts a hand up for me to stay back. I finally recognize the sound and realize that it's no soft hum, but a loud roar of an engine fast approaching.

"Oh, Christ," Joel breathes, and quickly grabs me firmly by the arm, just about nearly dragging to the back door.

"We've got to get out of here," Joel utters, glancing out the window behind us. Earle is now by my side, not saying a word, but trusting Joel's judgement completely.

"Wha-what's going on?" I ask, because the panic in Joel's voice is so real and if he's even the slightest bit panicked I know I should be terrified.

And Hell, it's just the most unsettling feeling knowing that Joel is the nervous one now and it makes my stomach do flips, because he's not answering my questions and that means something is truly wrong.

We're two feet from the door when it's busted down and Joel has pushed me behind him so fast that I barely had time to see a flash of black and the end of a rifle before Earle and Joel form around me like a barricade.

It didn't take long for it to click that these were the Fireflies. We hadn't seen any sign of them for weeks, and almost anticipated never seeing them again, but we were wrong. So, so, painfully wrong and we're now trapped. Joel's facing the Firefly and I know a gun is pointed at his chest, and there's nothing I can do about it, but wait in agonizing anticipation as fate unravels itself before us.

Yet nothing could have prepared me for what joel did next.

"Give us the girl. I have orders to kill you, but I might be generous if you hand her over." His voice was as cold as ice, and I knew he had every intention to kill Joel once they had me.

Joel stood firm, and I almost closed my eyes in expectation that he was going to be shot right there in front of me.

Almost.

My eyes went wide when instead Joel swung me in front of him, wrapping an arm around my neck and he pressed the cool end of a barrel to my head. I made a cry somewhere between desperation and shock, and held my breath not quite believing the chain of events that unfolded. I was quite sure that his arm was what was holding me up, because my knees felt too shaky to stand on their own.

"Joel?" I whispered, but he ignored me.

"You need her alive, don't you? To _experiment _on her." He muttered the word as if it were venom on his tongue.

"You wouldn't shoot her," The man shot back, but he sounded just as desperate as I felt, because even though I knew Joel was doing this to save us all, and he would never pull that trigger, it still shook me to see him take such drastic measures.

"You mark my words, because I will. And you can tell your friends behind us to drop their weapons unless you want to see your cure blown to pieces." His voice was so cruel and I could tell it was the anger that had gotten to him. It sent chills down my spine.

He started walking forward, and I was forced to do the same.

"Move," His tone was nothing but forceful, and the man reluctantly moved to the side. Joel spun us around so that we're walking backwards, and we're facing the men. Four more men stood in the restaurant, but there guns weren't pointed at us. The door closes on them, and even though I couldn't see their expressions through their masks, I knew they were just as angry.

I was nearly in hysterics at this point and Joel dropped the gun from my head. It felt like a weight was lifted and I let out a shuttered breath, but the threat was still there. Always there.

We ended up in an alley, and the first thing Joel directed was for us to run. He and Earle kept an eye on the back door as we bolted, and we turned down so many paths we had to have lost them.

"Don't stop, Ellie, keep running." Joel said in between heavy breaths. Earle was gasping so loudly it echoed off the walls with our footsteps.

"Down there," Joel ordered, gesturing to our only opening that lead to the main street.

I thought we had made it, we were so close, but the group of footsteps that we heard behind us only alerted us that we were being followed. I took a quick glance back and three men were on our tail, guns pointed out our backs.

Joel and Earle began to slow down, each with a gun in their hand. I went to follow, but Joel refused.

"Ellie, no! Keep running!"

"I'm not just going to leave you!" It was an absurd thought to think I was just going to abandon him and let him die.

"Ellie, we don't have time for this!" The men were getting closer and they were no longer the tiny specs they once were.

"Joel...," But he was turned facing the opposite way.

"Ellie! Go!" He only turned around for a moment, but it was long enough for me to see the anxiety etched across his face and the devastation clear in his eyes.

I ran. Ran as fast as my stumbling legs would carry me to the end of that alley and then some. Tripping over my feet and scraping my hands and knees, but I kept picking myself up. I did it for Joel, because I wasn't leaving his ass for nothing.

Joel.

Tears were obstructing my sight and I started sobbing as I ran, which only made breathing even harder. It was too much, this was all too much. I was finally being pushed over the edge, and this time the chance of Joel surviving was close to none, and God it hurt so bad. And then I go and leave him and Earle to die. What kind of person am I? I was selfish, so selfish that it was the only word I could think of to describe my sorry self.

And when I reach the end of the dark alley where the light pours through, it is so contradicting, because out there isn't any better, because rough hands grab me from all over, and I'm lifted from my feet before I even realize what's happened.

"Don't touch me! Don't-no-get off of me-Joel!" I'm kicking and thrashing, but it's no use.

I'm sobbing and screaming so loud that Joel has to hear me. He has to.

"Joel!" I keep repeating his name over and over, and hope that somehow in doing so he will appear unscathed, and somehow save us from this cataclysm.

"Ellie!" I hear him call and his voice is distant, but it fills me with some part relief.

"Let go of me, you bastard!" I screech, and my throat feels like it's being torn apart, but I keep being as loud as possible.

I hear a gunshot and a cry, and I can't tell who it came from, but I assume the worst, because that's all you can ever assume in this kind of world.

"No," I whispered to myself, because that's all that will come out through my choked sobs.

"No." I say louder, as if denying the problem would fix it.

"No!" I cry out, the mourning and sadness so obvious, and it made me wonder how anyone could keep doing the horrible things they were doing when that person was so clearly broken.

They took all I had left and had the audacity to take more when all that remained were the scraps of my sanity and the shattered pieces of a heart too crumbled to have.

And I hoped that when they tear open my head and find that I'm no cure to their greedy men, that they realize that it is their fault, because a cure cannot fix a broken world, when the cure itself is broken.

And break it they did.

* * *

**AN: Hey everyone! Now, I know I said I probably wouldn't have a chapter up for a while, but I was able to brainstorm some ideas and with the support of my brilliant friends, I was able to get another one going, and this time I have direction on where this story is headed!**

**As you can tell, I've had to move this story up to M, because I felt it was getting too dark and too violent to be T, (I had been really pushing it, before!) Now, I do plan on the next few chapters to be just as dark, and maybe even a bit more violent. (Angry Joel!) So, this is just a forewarning. Sorry that this one was a bit of a cliffy, but what can I say, I felt it fit. **

**Thanks for all of your support, and being patient with me, it means so much! Please review and let me know what you think, and I'm also curious to see how far you guys think the Fireflies would go if Ellie was causing too much of a struggle, so let me know your thoughts! **


	13. We'll Lie to Ourselves

**Just a forewarning that this chapter does get very violent and a bit graphic, so read at your own risk.**

_Giving up is hard. _

_But sometimes, going on is harder. _

Chapter Thirteen

Many say that you lost all morals in this world, that you no longer knew how thin the barriers between good and bad were, because they were no longer that simple. Many believed that the lines were blurred between what was evil anymore or what was now just plain surviving. You couldn't blame an animal for trying to kill you, because animals can't reason. All they do is defend, hunt, and survive. We're not animals, though, but we sure act like it.

I don't remember how long I struggled in desperation, but it wasn't until the grunts of the men carrying me became all that I heard, because we were now too far away to hear the cries of the family I left behind. It wasn't until my throat felt like sandpaper and my constant kicking exhausted me even more did I fall limp in their grasps. I let my feet drag behind us, aggravating the men even more, and in turn they squeezed my arms so hard I knew bruises were already forming.

I was so utterly helpless, and even that was a mighty understatement, but I kept my expression stolid, because I wouldn't let these men have the satisfaction of seeing me weep anymore. There was a time for grieving, and this wasn't it.

"Pick up your feet," One barked, yanking harder on my arm. These weren't the Fireflies I knew.

I just let my feet lay in an awkward position on the ground.

"I said, move it."

I lifted my head and finally saw my captors' face. He was a pale man with piercing eyes and a few missing teeth. His forehead was creased as though he constantly wore a glare, the dark hair on his head matted with sweat.

"I don't take orders from you," I spat out coldly.

The man shot an amused look to the Firefly holding my other arm, before smiling sadistically down at me. He gave a deep chuckle that left unsettlement linger under my skin.

"Oh, but you will."

It happened all so quickly that my brain couldn't keep up with it. First a shove, then a kick, and lastly a round of cracking punches that gave me the taste of iron and a throbbing jaw. My hands were being pulled behind my back and the stiff material of a rope bounded them together. From there I was roughly thrown into the back of a truck and the light faded leaving me in pure darkness.

I curled up on my side, trying to focus my eyes, but it proved to be a difficult task when I could barely keep my consciousness. I was slipping fast, but I thought I heard movement by my head.

"Joel," I whispered, a funny thing to still wish in my hopeless, delirious state.

"Joel," I repeated, but this time it was much more broken. Before was hopeful, now it was devastating, pleading, empty wishes.

I was truly alone now.

"Oh, you're not alone, my dear, but I am not Joel, either." It was my captor's voice.

I bolted up so quickly it made my head spin. "Don't touch me, go away, don't touch me!" I was screaming and wailing hysterically, trying desperately to stand, all while pushing myself further and further from his voice.

"What do you want from me?"

I saw glimpses of his psychotic smile, his maniacal laughter surrounding me, enclosing me, suffocating me. And so it went on; scrambling, and spinning to follow the noise, whipping my head around faster than my feet would stumble, only to find nothing, because I could see nothing in this shadow that fell around me in more ways than just a literal sense.

"Stop it, get away from me, stop it!" Then it was gone.

It was as if it had never even been there. The laughter, the crazed face, it was all gone. Now just the sound of my ragged breaths, my choking sobs, and a loud cry of frustration, because it was never there to begin with. I worked myself up over nothing, because all of these tragedies that had piled over my head was finally cracking the foundation I had built to hold them.

_Oh, God, why?_

I crumbled to the floor, so sick of everything. Sick of being weak, sick of being hunted, sick of everything being my fault, because Hell would always find me and take everything down in its path to get me. Even Joel.

"I'm sorry," I murmur, because I know that it was a terrible thing to think, and I should use everything left of my diminishing hope to believe that Joel is okay, but I don't, because I know I won't be. I was selfish, and hoped that maybe if he was up there, then I would once again be with him when I reached that place, too.

I slipped off, hoping that when I woke up, things would be different.

"Get up."

I could feel myself being moved and my eyes shot open, immediately squinted by a bright light. My body was being dragged to the end of the vehicle by the men and my arms ached from being forced into the same position for so long. By the looks of it, I hadn't been out for long, because the town still looked the same and the sun was still high in the sky.

Could Joel still be close?

"Enjoy your nap?" One of the men asked.

I just shot glares at all of them in return.

"Sure hope so, you'll be put under some...Shall we say, tests today."

My heart dropped. "What kind of tests?"

"Oh, you'll see in due time. You have quite the brain and body there, girly. We'd like to see just how far your immunity can go."

"You're sick," I spat. I felt like a lab rat.

"Oh, that's where you're wrong, my dear. We're trying to cure the sick ones here."

I just scoffed. I was so disgusted with these men. They were so brainwashed, thinking they were the good guys in this world, that they were the superior ones. Yet all they wanted was revenge. Revenge against me, because I had won their game so many times before. A constant game of cat and mouse, and they had finally lured me into their trap.

And I could just read the one thing they were so sure of all over their face.

_That there would be Hell to pay._

"You keep on believing that," I already had it coming, why not get a little satisfaction from their anger.

"This one's got a little mouth on her, James." The man said, looking over to my previous captor.

"We can fix that," James replied smugly.

"Some light you are!" I was beyond angry. "I am the cure for mankind, and you treat me like I'm some sort of experiment you can do whatever you please with!"

"Shut you mouth!" James demanded. "Maybe if someone wasn't so hard to control, we wouldn't have to take such drastic measures."

"You don't deserve this. None of you! I am _not_ someone that you can go decide their fate for!"

"Watch it!"

"You're no better than the infected!"

_Crack. _

"Not another word from you! You here me?"

"Fuck. You." I seethed venomously.

James pulled me off the ledge of the truck from my hair, pulling my ponytail so hard that I felt my hair would be torn from my scalp. "Do you here me?"

I could see the anger in his eyes, I could see the hate. He knew I was right, and he was having a hard time denying it. The poor bastard.

"Yes." I reluctantly uttered, because arguing would just earn me more and more punches.

From there I was roughly shoved forward, but didn't have to walk very far before we came to a large building with several stories. It was made of brick, and the windows were boarded up. Firefly insignia's were painted across the walls, and I thought it was a pretty stupid idea, considering that the Fireflies weren't on many good sides. The assholes were too proud, though.

James knocked a few times on the metal door, and it opened a few minutes later to reveal another Firefly. By the looks of it, they had been staying here for quite a while and there were six of them. I imagined they all split up on there way to track us down, just waiting for us to come across them.

Empty cans and glasses littered the coffee tables around the room, flies buzzing among them. The place had a much more rotten smell than what I would expect from the Fireflies, especially since they seemed to be used to a more luxurious way of living even in this unsanitary world. Then again, they probably didn't care to keep anything they used to work on sterile anymore, considering how much trouble I had caused them. The more painful, the better.

It wasn't as though I'd live to see diseases and illnesses that the equipment would give me, anyways.

"Why don't you just get this over with, huh? You've waited so long, what's stopping you?"

"Oh, you see, Ellie, you've proven to be a very strong little girl, both physically and mentally. We'd like to see just how strong you really are."

"What the Hell is that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, don't worry. If we want to use this gift you have, we'd like to see how far this cure can go. In other terms, how _immune_ you really are."

He couldn't mean- "You don't mean, you wouldn't-"

"Now, now, it's just for a bit of observation. We'd like to see what we're working with."

He started pulling me up the stairs, another man behind him, while the rest stood around the room completely content with themselves.

"I'm not some sort of specimen-You can't do this!"

"Struggling will just make it worse." The man didn't look the least bit disgusted in himself.

Once on the second floor he quite literally dragged me to one of the doors, that lead to a large room with a chain link fence set up around a good portion of the room.

"No, no, you can't do this!"

Surely he was going to at least untie me.

"No, you can't put me in there like this! You need me alive!" Panic was surging through me.

"Oh, we're keeping you alive, my dear. We won't let it get that far."

"No, let go of me, you can't do this!"

He was opening the gate, and I could hear the screech of the monster as though it was waiting for me this whole time.

"No, no, stop, no!" I pushed against James as much as I could to get out of the doorway, but he gave me a hard shove and I went stumbling into the cage.

My hands were tied behind my back, and my legs were shaking, and there's was absolutely no way out of here. The gurgling sounds of the runner only mere feet away from me and the low growls it let out brought me back to my senses. I didn't have my switchblade, my gun, not even my hands to defend myself. Just because I was immune, didn't mean I enjoyed being eaten alive.

I only had time to look around for a moment to see if there was anything I could use to defend myself before the runner was charging at me. Blood dripped from its mouth, pieces of skin dangling from its arms and legs, and it gave off a putrid aroma of rotting tissue.

"Agh," I grunted, stumbling backwards and tripping over a piece of wood, sending me falling backwards harshly. I didn't have time to recover, or even stand, because the infected was already on me.

Its hands reached for my face, scratching it with its nail-like claws, and I tried to crane my neck so that my face was out of its reach. I put my knees to my chest and then kicked my legs out, trying to put as much space between the runner and myself as I could. He was dumb enough to keep pushing forward, and I was able to keep one knee pressed against its chest while my other foot repeatedly kicked it in the face and neck.

I thought I was winning until my knee slipped for just one moment, allowing it to put all of its pressure on top of me, its mouth getting closer to my neck, chomping down on its jaw over and over, hoping the next time there would be flesh in between its teeth.

I rolled over, and tried to stand as quickly as I could. Blood was pouring down my face from the scratches, and I knew if I didn't get out of here soon that I'd have a third bite to scar my skin.

I didn't even notice that the gate had swung open and James had walked in until the loud sound of a gun pierced the air and the runner fell limp on top of me. I quickly kicked it off.

I could barely breath. I was so frightened, so panicked that I leaned over and heaved what little contents had been in my stomach. I couldn't imagine what could get worse than the situation I was in now.

"Well, I'll be. Aren't you something else?"

"I hope you rot in Hell," I couldn't put how disgusted, how much I loathed those men into those words, but it was enough to get across the message.

"It would seem this one hasn't learned her lesson." James looked from the other man standing in the doorway.

"Ah!" I cried out as his foot stomped down on my stomach, effectively knocking the air out of me.

Tears filled my eyes, and I felt so desperate. "Kill me now," I struggled out.

"That would be too easy."

"Why are you doing this?" I couldn't understand anymore. They had their revenge, they took everything away from me. What more could they want?

"What did I do?!" I was yelling now, "What do you want from me-"

"Everything is your fault!" James silenced me.

"All your damn fault. If it weren't for you-"

The man cut off, and swallowed hard.

"If it weren't for you, Marlene would still be here."

Then it hit me, Marlene was still dead, and she always would be, and I wasn't the only person who cared about her.

"You loved her," I mumbled, my jaw throbbing, and blood streamed over my lips.

"And you took her from me!" He was starting to look a bit hysterical.

"I never wanted Marlene dead!" He was so unstable it terrified me.

"It's all _your_ fault!" He looked to his right, and picked up the piece of wood I had tripped over, picking it up.

I let out a shriek of surprise. "No!"

He lifted it up, ready to bring it down on my head, too ruined to realize what consequences would arise.

I closed my eyes just as he started to bring it down, expecting a sharp pain to follow, but none came. It felt like an eternity of anticipation, but I cracked open my eyes, to see him, just standing there, plank now below his head.

I stared wide-eyed, wondering what he was doing. He looked deep in thought, staring at the floor, and I took this as a chance to run out of the cage, but the other man caught me around the waist before I could get far.

"Do you hear that?" James asked, and I stopped struggling, now listening, too.

"James, it's the smuggler!" A man's voice called from downstairs, and it was so loud it felt like he was standing right next to us. Or maybe it was the relief that surged through my veins at the sound of Joel's nickname, being the only thing repeated in my head.

_Joel was here._

It was too good to be true.

"Joel! Joel!" I kept calling and calling until he heard me.

"Ellie?!" I wanted to cry it was so good to hear his voice.

The chance that I would be able to see Joel and Earle just one more time was enough to keep me going.

"Joel!"

My captor's hand clamped over my mouth. "Take her to the operating room, she needs to be taught to keep her mouth shut. I'll take care of this."

I kept yelling for Joel, trying to warn him, get him to know who he was dealing with, but it was all muffled that I could barely hear it myself. I was brought to a room three doors down from the one we were in, and despite the aches all over my body my adrenaline kept me kicking.

The room was similar to the other; tiled floors, bolted windows, same foul smell. It was a lot brighter from the generator giving electricity to the lamps, and a medical chair along with a small table where rusted scalpels and needles lay sat in the center of the room.

I looked around nervously, not sure of my options, being tied up at the moment. Yet it was as if my prayers were answered, for the man started untying my hands, but kept me in his grip even after they were untied. He pushed me into the seat, and I knew he just planned to tie my hands to the arms of the chair, but I thought quick.

Biting the arm that was gripping my arm, I reached my other one over to the table, and after a bit of struggling, I had one of the scalpels in my hand. He whipped his arm around so fast that it knocked me from the chair and the scalpel out of my hand.

"You bitch!" He exclaimed, gripping his arm and stalking towards me.

"You're going to wish you had that cure now!" I told him, hoping the message that he was now infected would come across.

"You're going to pay. You have no idea how much trouble you've caused us." He spat coldly, ready to grab me, but I grabbed the scalpel from behind me and sunk it into his leg over and over.

When he had fallen to the ground whimpering, and I was sure he wouldn't be getting up anytime soon, I stood and bolted for the door. When I exited the room, it was deadly quiet. No yells, or footsteps, no moans of pain. Just my heavy breathing as I crept down the hall, my hand tightly gripping my only means of protection.

Had they gotten Joel? Wouldn't he be yelling for me? Wouldn't Earle?

I came to the stairway, and could see bodies and blood littering the floor, but no sign of Joel, no Earle, no James. No anybody alive.

I silently walked down the stairs, shaking and ready to throw up all over again, but I kept silent. When I reached the last step, I peered around the corner still find nothing, but a bloody mess.

Then arms came around me, and I screamed and thrashed, but a hand grabbed mine that held the scalpel, and that hand had a watch, and it couldn't-no it couldn't be.

"Hey, hey, it's me, it's me, don't worry, it's me."

"Joel?" I asked, turning my head to see his face. A few bruises covered it and he had a cut on his lip, but he was there and his eyes were warm and full of concern.

"Joel," I asked again, this time it was silent, and choked, but I couldn't help but break down.

"It's me, it's me, Baby Girl, it's me." He looked so relieved, and I felt so relieved, too.

He took me into his arms, and I gripped him for dear life, not believing he was here and okay, and that I might not be okay ever again, but right now all that mattered was him being here.

"He was going to, they put me in a cage...with a runner...I was tied up..."

"Oh, Baby Girl, they can't hurt you anymore." I knew by now Joel was feeling anger like no other, because he was shaking, and his eyes grew dark, but he just continued to hold me.

"Where's Earle?" I asked, and looking around, not seeing him there, the answer was loud and clear.

"Ellie..." Joel started, but I just shook my head, not wanting him to go on.

"No, he can't be, no, Joel, no," I howled in grief. I couldn't understand why the world was so cruel.

"I'm so sorry," Joel's voice was cracking, and I knew this was affecting him just as much. Earle fit, and now without him, things would feel empty.

"Why?" Why did the world hate us. Why did my "gift" cause more trouble than what it was worth?

He took my face into his hands, wiping away some tears, blood being smeared away as well. "Ellie, Ellie listen to me."

I just shook my head, too choked up to say anything.

"Ellie, listen, don't you worry, we're going to be okay." Joel told me, and it was just another lie, but I gave into the false comfort for once.

"We're gonna be okay," He told me, and we still had a ways to go, and more Fireflies to run from, and more nightmares to endure, and God, _Hell to pay._

But we would lie to ourselves.

And we would be okay.

* * *

**AN: Wow, um, hi, guys. **

**Woooo, that chapter was intense for me to write. To be honest, I really had to step out of my comfort zone to write some of those scenes, and almost didn't think I could do it, but I did. I think as a writer, it's always good to challenge yourself, and a write a bit over the line of comfort, because it helps you grow and improve, and see what you like to write, and what you don't. I have found that despite my love for writing a lot of emotional things, I also like building suspense. I'm very thankful that I'm able to experience that as I write this story.**

**Thank you all for your kind words throughout this story. It has kept me going and given me so much encouragement, and I really love hearing what you all think of my writing and this story. **

**I had a difficult time making this decision, but I knew from the start that I was going to kill off Earle, despite how much I love his character, and how much I will miss writing him. I even hinted a bit in my last chapter that someone was at least hurt when Ellie heard a cry of pain, but a lot of you and my friends ended up thinking it was Joel instead. **

**Things probably won't be light for a while in this story, but I'll try to keep the feels to a minimum, because these last chapters have been crazy intense, but I'm pretty sure Ellie won't be very stable for a bit. **

**Also, sorry this chapter is up a bit later than usual, I tried to get it out yesterday, but I was just feeling too sick to do anything. I'm feeling a bit better today, and decided I didn't want you all to wait any longer, so I hope it was worth it. **

**Please let me know what you think, and stay tuned for chapter fourteen. **


	14. The Kiss of Demise

Chapter 14

The grass was tall where we stood and reached just below my hips; it engulfed me as though it was holding onto the Earth for dear life, but the other side was dragging it out as far as it could.

It was already dead.

Sunflowers popped up in between, bringing a vibrant yellow to the bland tan that was the grass and clashed ironically with the tragic task at hand. A crystal lining capped us in our lonely world and white feathers streamed across it like the blood smeared across my face. Beauty definitely outweighed the insidious in a place like this, but I guess that is how treachery works. Either way, it was what I requested, and Joel and I had set ourselves about to find it.

I stood from a distance as Joel heaved a sigh and the sweat dripped down his face slowly, and I wouldn't be surprised if a tear slipped down, too. Just hours earlier they fell down my face so abundantly that I feared that they wouldn't stop, but they did, and left my eyes scorched and my cheeks tight where the salty water had dried. They washed away part of the blood, but the rest would remain caked to my lips and nose until we finished our deed.

We were burying Earle.

For a while I just stood and let the breeze chill my bones; the scenario was oddly calming and peaceful, and I felt so bad for feeling that way, but it was the first outlet from the pit of grievance I had been given in a while. I realized then that we didn't actually know much about Earle, but none of that mattered. What mattered was that he was still a good man, even after so many things were thrown at every person who was alive to see the world turn that could change you for the worse. Besides, this meant that I had picked the right spot to bury Earle, because he didn't deserve to be buried surrounded by any bad, and beauty spread around this field like a wildfire.

With the final mound of dirt spread over the grave and a soft clank as the shovel hit the ground, my feet began to move on their own accord and my hands broke away sunflowers from their stems as I made my way to Earle's final stop. Joel had stuck Earle's crucifix into the spot just at the head of his grave and I had laid the flowers in front of it. They would rot in a few days, but so would his body, and at least he wouldn't be the only thing that did that day, even if they were just flowers.

Joel's arm curled around my shoulder, and for the first time I noticed that it didn't quite sit the way it should. Neither did our smiles that weren't really even smiles anymore; just forced movement of our lips that didn't really serve a purpose, because both of us knew they were no longer genuine. And the flickers in our eyes left long ago, and I knew now that mine must be hollow, because everything I saw through them was a lost cause.

"What are we supposed to do?" My voice was quiet like a whisper, but the wind danced softly and Joel could hear over it.

"We move on," He stated simply, and I knew Joel's way of "moving on" was to simply forget all together, and I wouldn't stand for it.

"You know it's not that easy," I didn't raise my voice anymore, but my words still came across strong and true in his mind, but he chose to ignore it.

"It will be, Ellie."

"No, Joel, it won't. Earle was different. This entire situation is different." And for the first time that day it became apparent to me that the traumatic events that happened not even a day previous were just now starting to take effect.

"Not now, Ellie, we have to get moving." Joel's voice was firm, and I knew how bad he was at coming to terms with his emotions, but godammnit, he had to at some point.

"Then when Joel? When will you admit that you have trouble handling loss, too?"

"Not. Now."

"Earle wouldn't want this! Or Henry, or Sam, or Tess!"

"Jesus, kid!"

He'd never addressed me quite so harshly before, and I knew I hit a nerve, but it still stung.

"Why does this matter to you so much, huh? Things happen and we move on."

"Because I'm scared!"

Joel opened his mouth as though to speak, but just closed it once again after a moment of thought.

"I'm scared and I don't know what else to do."

There was a moment of silence, and it filled me with a rush of hope that he would finally consider my words and agree that some things couldn't be left unattended to.

"We are going to leave and head back to Tommy's, and we will forget all about this." His voice was low, but his tone was borderline dangerous, and I knew that he wouldn't listen to another word that I had to say, because he had made up his mind.

But I wondered if he knew I wasn't just talking about Earle's death this time.

And so we continued, the air becoming cool and the leaves have turned to weeping as they curl away from the harsh weather to come. They're saving themselves the bitterness of death, because they know it's coming, anyways. And maybe I should save myself, too, because it has proven that it will stop at nothing to get what it wants. It was rather pointless to keep suffering when I know I'll ultimately lose, because the kiss of demise would soon grace my head and soon it would be all over.

I wasn't just saving myself, though, and that was of least importance now, because I'd realize I carried around an aura of destruction that set everything I touched on fire. Just because I was immune did not mean that I was invincible and just because Joel had survived this long did not mean that it would stop at Earle. I had to save Joel before it was too late.

We had been walking for a little over two hours now and the sky was becoming a mixture of pinks, oranges, and blues; all blended into perfect layer of each with the sun casting the world around us in a tint of gold. We were still on the edge of the highway where dirt and gravel mixed and made a scraping noise under our feet. I trudged behind Joel who hadn't said barely more than a "keep up" as we passed rock after rock, hill down hill until Earle's resting place was unidentifiable as everything looked the same from our standpoint. This was how Joel dealt with his pain and I had let him be while I pondered my demons that had made my decision for me.

I slowed my tracks and the loss of my presence behind Joel and the disappearance of the resonating sound of the kicked up pebbles beneath my worn out shoes caused him to turn mid-step to look at me. His eyes held exhaustion and annoyance, and he looked so ready to just leave me behind that I saw that this was as good as time as any to make it happen.

"What?" Joel sighed, raising his eyebrows and lifting his hands, and he was acting so much like he did in Summer that it was starting to hurt.  
I kicked around some gravel and played with my fingers wondering how the Hell I was going to approach the subject.

"Ellie, we don't have time for this, We're getting close to Tommy's, now c'mo-

"I'm not going to Tommy's." My voice was as blunt as a knife and cut right through his sentence.

Joel shook his head slightly as he was trying to comprehend my words. "What are you talkin' about?

"This isn't working out, Joel-"

"If this is about the Fireflies," Joel started.

"No, not anymore, not after what they did." A physical chill went down my spine and for a moment Joel's eyes softened.

"But, we can't keep going on like this." It was getting hard to talk, because I made this decision faster than my emotions could process it.

"So, you are going to go back to Tommy's and forget about me." Tears were hanging onto my eyelids for dear life right now.

Joel looked absolutely shocked. "What in God's name are you going on about, girl?"

"I just-we can't keep going on like this anymore, Joel, it's too much."

Joel looked so disheartened and that unhinged the tears from my eyelids. "Baby, if this is about Earle, we can work this out."

"It's about everything," I sobbed, and it was ridiculous how much I had changed over the course of a year. I was so much more affected by all of this than I was before I met Joel, and maybe it's because then I didn't really have anything to lose. What was lost was lost, and that was that. Now, I had so much to lose, and caring seemed so much harder with this threat hanging over not only my head, but the ones that I had come to fight for.

It had to be this way, though. I would finally let myself be nothing more than a faded memory in his eyes, but this time I would eventually meet my destiny. It wasn't the cure itself that I was destined to, but the passing that accompanied it. I would approach it with open arms, though, because that's the only thing left I could do. I would be like Earle and roam the world until it was right on my tracks, and I wouldn't exactly run from it, but I would avoid it for as long as I could, just not with Joel beside me. It wasn't because I wanted to die, but because the world had no mercy on the dead and it sure as Hell didn't on the living, either.

"Everything I touch dies, Joel, everything except for fucking you, but that doesn't mean it won't happen."

"So, what? You're just going to walk away, survive on your own, huh?"

"I've done it before and I can do it again! I spent all Winter without you." It was a low blow, but it was one of the most terrifying moments of my life.

The hurt spread clear across his face. "And you think I'm just going to let you do this? Just run away, after everything we've been through. Everything _you've_ done?" Joel quoted my words from so many months ago, and now it was late September and it felt like forever ago that we were still searching when now we were running.

"I destroy _everything_." I was way past sobbing at this point. "I give up!"

"Ellie-" Joel took a step towards me, but I backed away.

"I give up," I said softer. "You need to let me go."

I slowly backed away and Joel could only watch in desperation.

"Ellie, you stop this right now!" Joel's voice was fierce and he walked right up to me and grabbed me by my shoulders.

"Joel, let me go, I have to do this, don't make this harder than it needs to be!" I tried pushing Joel as hard as I could, but it was to no avail. He grabbed my face in his hands and for a moment I almost collapsed.

_Almost._

I pushed him so hard that when his hands left my cheeks it opened one of my wounds and he was staggering back as hurt and anger took up his entire being. I was poisoning him without even trying and this is why I had to let him go.

"Ellie, why would you even think this is an option? You have to-"

"Because I have to make my own decisions sometimes, Joel! I have to-" It was like everything in my body was on fire. My stomach clenched painfully and my throat felt as though it was ready to close.

"Ellie?" Joel asked, but I couldn't look at him. All anger vanished from his voice and instead was instantly replaced with concern. I could only stayed hunched over in an awful position with my head facing the ground and my hair draping my face. I began coughing and something dripped slowly form my mouth making pattering sounds as it hit the ground. It was red and sticky as I brought my hand from my mouth and I knew it was blood, but I didn't know why.

I let out another cough and tried to talk through it, but all that came out was more thick drops of blood and a harsh wave of pain that had me seeing spots. The world around me was spinning and before I knew it I collided with something hard and my legs dragged against the dirt.

"Ellie, Ellie what hurts?" His voice was frantic and his arms held me up. They were squeezing mine so hard that they ached, but that was the least of the pain.

"Ellie, stay with me, baby, stay with me."

His voice seemed to echo in my mind and I couldn't tell if he was still repeating the words or not. My demons were winning and I guess now was my time, but I didn't expect it to come so soon. It was worse than I anticipated it to be, especially with him right here with me, knowing that he had to see me like this, had to lose yet another important person in his damned life.

But the worst part was, I was just about to be the one to take it away from him.

* * *

**Mercy of the Living will continue with chapter fifteen. **


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